Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

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Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

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    anonymous123
    Participant
    November 22, 2014 at 10:17 pm #67972
    Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    I am gay and there is a guy who I like who also seems to be gay (based on a bunch of different things). Neither of us is out of the closet. I like him a lot but I am too shy and afraid of embarrassment to ask him in person if he is gay, and (if so) if he likes me. We talk almost every day but we are not particularly friends, mostly because I am very shy around him. I would make him a secret admirer note or something but I do not have any feasible opportunity to put it in his backpack or something similar. Rather, I thought I would text him as a “secret admirer” and ask him if he is gay? But I obviously do not want to creep him out or anything. I have liked him a lot for several years, but now my crush on him is becoming unbearably strong… I need to do something about it. Should I text him or whattt?

    MrSSamsung
    MrSSamsung
    Participant
    November 23, 2014 at 7:46 am #67981

    I’m not gay… so no experience of the situation. However, I’m pretty certain if you txt him that and he isn’t it will leave some wreckage… but you could indirectly ask him questions about how he feels about people that are gay for starters or about gay famous people.. even if he is gay he could be anti gay more because he could be in denial.. It sounds like you have a good friendship so you might want to tread very carefully indeed.

    In fact.. if you txt him from a secret admirer that may make him think, if he is secretly gay, that he’s being targeted by anti gay people. He will have no idea who you are and you may end up learning absolutly nothing positive.

    MrSSamsung
    MrSSamsung
    Participant
    November 23, 2014 at 3:57 pm #67991

    Actually, if you wanted to risk it. A good approach would be to just say you’re gay.. you haven’t told anyone. He’s you’re closest friend so you trust him above everyone else… and you’re thinking of coming out, so to speak. You could judge his reaction from that. But it would possibly make major changes to your friendship. .. but it sounds like maybe that would be best. Sometimes that is for the best. The covert message from a stranger he doesn’t know talking about something he might be very secretive about will make him feel very vulnerable. To you saying you’re gay he will either start to feel uncomfortable around you… then you’ll know he’s either not that way or that he’s in strong denial and not ready to embrace that side of himself. .. and the other possibility is he says he is too.


    leocarter
    Participant
    November 23, 2014 at 7:49 pm #67994

    Actually, if you wanted to risk it. A good approach would be to just say you’re gay.. you haven’t told anyone. He’s you’re closest friend so you trust him above everyone else… and you’re thinking of coming out, so to speak. You could judge his reaction from that. But it would possibly make major changes to your friendship. .. but it sounds like maybe that would be best. Sometimes that is for the best. The covert message from a stranger he doesn’t know talking about something he might be very secretive about will make him feel very vulnerable. To you saying you’re gay he will either start to feel uncomfortable around you… then you’ll know he’s either not that way or that he’s in strong denial and not ready to embrace that side of himself. .. and the other possibility is he says he is too.

    I agree with MrSSamsung. Keep in mind that, if he is gay but in the closet, being asked if he is gay is going to be just as difficult as it is for you to ask him. Be gentle

    trusgold
    trusgold
    Participant
    January 8, 2015 at 2:56 am #70117

    I am in a relationship for a long time. 1. Under no circumstances do you text secret admirer. How old are You. Since you can not get the guts to verbally communicate write him a letter and tell him it’s a bit personal. Something like “As you know I am Bill annnnd I am gay I was wondering if you are gay, and if you would you be interested in coffee? If you are ot gay I am so so sorry please just throw it away and the issue is gone.

    Roxy
    Roxy
    Participant
    January 8, 2015 at 12:28 pm #70136

    Honestly do whatever your most comfortable with. Telling him directly would be the best thing to do. You dont have to tell him you like him but telling him your gay is a good start. It will tell you whether or not he’ll make a good friend or possibly boyfriend. If things become uncomfortable then that’s his problem and you should move on. If coming out to him is too scary maybe drop hints and see if he reacts in any way.


    Vince27
    Participant
    January 13, 2015 at 10:49 pm #70538

    Asking would not hurt you. Try and be cool with that person.


    Drew1405
    Participant
    January 15, 2015 at 5:26 pm #70752

    I’m not gay myself but I think based on what others have said here too, that the best course would be coming out to him and gauging his reaction… assuming that is that you want to come out to him. If he is gay and happens to like you I think you’ll see the signs when you tell him.


    Anonymous
    January 15, 2015 at 5:40 pm #70794
    Reply To: Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    try we do not now without trying

    Pipeliner85
    Pipeliner85
    Participant
    February 8, 2015 at 4:56 pm #72842
    Reply To: Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    yeah im not sure i would just text him like that. i know its tough not to given the opportunity.


    gayoz
    Participant
    March 9, 2015 at 12:40 pm #75051
    Reply To: Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    As above


    Richie
    Participant
    June 22, 2015 at 9:27 am #81416
    Reply To: Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    Text away. There comes a point where you need to ask yourself in REAL terms, what do you have to lose. Could have everything to gain!


    Benny
    Participant
    June 27, 2015 at 12:29 am #81689
    Reply To: Secret Admirer??? Should I text him?

    My friend came out to me, i had always had a crush on him, he is kind, caring and cute. He was asking my advice on some stuff with his boyfriend and i told him to just be safe, he wondered why i was so worried about his relationship, i simply said that i liked him, and he flipped out cause a guy he thought was straight actually has feelings for him and now we are happy and have dated for over 2 months.