Self sabotaging a chance of a relationship

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Self sabotaging a chance of a relationship

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    shannonjohnson
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 10:21 am #104195
    Self sabotaging a chance of a relationship

    I’m 22 years and old and have never had a proper relationship, without sounding big headed I get guys talking to me all the time however when it comes to them asking me out on a date, I always find myself looking for an excuse to why I shouldn’t go and convince myself that they aren’t right for me. If I am out with my friends in a club and a guy approaches me I get so nervous and end up pretending I already have a boyfriend so they stop talking to me.

    I know why I behave the way I do, it is because I am so self conscious, I am not over weight and take care of my appearance but I just somehow think i’m not good enough. On top of this I get anxious over everything to do with dating, such as kissing, i panic that I wont be a good kisser and that they will laugh and find it embarrassing, or that I wont be good in bed and they will tell their friends and laugh.

    I recently met someone and i really want it to work but any advice to help me get over these stupid fears that i hold?


    Louie97
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 11:46 am #104198

    You remind me of myself even though you are slightly older.I completely understand what you are going through with your fears of everything that comes along with the dating experience…like as you said thinking you are not good enough. However, only recently I’ve learnt that shutting out guys because of these fears does more harm than good..and even worse, could be keeping yourself from entering the relationship of your dreams(I should really take my own advice lol). So my best advice to you is to let go of these insecurities and fears.Everything you want is on the other side of fear 😀 All the best Shannon.

    Mel4everable
    Mel4everable
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 11:50 am #104199

    I agree. However, don’t be afraid to date people. Dating doesn’t mean getting in to a relationship, just talk and get to know people.


    tanalea
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 8:01 pm #104214

    verry nice

    eljay
    eljay
    Participant
    July 5, 2016 at 8:02 am #104395

    Honestly, you are normal. most woman I have known start out this way. some people are natural at things and others have to learn. no one is a natural at everything, you are no exception. once you have more relationships, you will feel more comfortable. But in the mean time you have use “tools” that will help you when you are with a guy. the best tool is the focus tool (even people with social anxiety use it). Create a goal and stay focus on that goal. Do you want to talk with a guy, kiss a guy, or to be intimate. when you are with a guy think about the goal not about how well you can do it. This is all everyone else does, is focus on the goal. Why? to talk, to kiss, to be intimate, takes 2 people so the outcome depends on how those two people connect. If you ask ten of us guys what is sexy, you may get 100 different answers. That being said before you go out decide what you want to do and focus on that goal. The outcome will depend on both you and the guy.