Sexless relationship….not by my choice

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Sexless relationship….not by my choice

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    helixpowered
    Participant
    November 22, 2014 at 12:43 pm #67966
    Sexless relationship….not by my choice

    So I have been with my boyfriend for five months now. Things started off great, we had an instant connection. About a month into the relationship, he started to develop reason why he didn’t want to have sex. He said he was tired, didn’t want to loose focus on his perfmances, FYI he performances in local theater shows. A flood of assumptions overwhelmed me. I assumed he was cheating on me or had an STI that he didn’t want to give me. So being the direct person I am, I directly asked him what the real reason is. We have had many discussions and I have concluded, after about four months of getting out of him, is that he doesn’t trust me. Well what I mean is, in a past relationship, he was with a guy for a couple months and that guy ended up talking to another guy while seeing him. He said he basically has an ensecurity centered on being two timed. Grant it, I have had past dates, old flings, and exs contact me this whole time. I didn’t cheat emotionally and/or physically. Any help?


    stargazer91
    Participant
    November 27, 2014 at 10:33 pm #68266

    So this is the first post I’ve ever made (excluding tech forums), but here goes… I’ve been in his shoes before. Last year after my ex-fiance broke my heart, I wasn’t with anyone for almost a year, emotionally or sexually. Getting hurt like that can really do a number on someone. The best thing you can do is maintain an open channel of honest communication with him. If he’s the sort of person who is willing to talk about it, try to get him to. Try to explain to him (calmly) that you think your relationship is ready for physical intimacy and see how he responds. The most important thing to remember is to treat the situation delicately. If he is afraid of getting hurt or being cheated on, you need to make sure that he knows he can trust you and that you’re not going to do that to him. I know it’s hard to accept, but you need to give it time. Work on building trust and compassion in your relationship, and you’ll find that he becomes more receptive to the idea. Just my two cents worth.