August 16, 2016 at 1:38 pm #108400
I am you typical semi traditional guy. Never had a problem with dating or getting with women, but this one is a whole new experience and I’m lost. About a month ago a new girl started working here. i picked up on the fact she was interested in me and she was my type so We exchanged numbers. I am in an on and off relationship, she’s a coworker so I had my reservations but she is extremely gorgeous. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a couple of weeks, went on a lunch date or two. I noticed immediately that she was affecting me differently than any girls I’ve ever been with. But I didn’t think into it. I’m 31 she’s 24, so I’m not sure if that would even work anyway in a relationship. Either way I decided to ask her out on a dinner date. She was reluctant at first, in fact I cancelled it because I didn’t want to push it. The next day she got ahold of me and asked me to come out for drinks that night with just her. I agreed. We had a good time, went back to her place and one thing ledAugust 16, 2016 at 1:47 pm #108401
To another and we had sex. A couple of days after that, things were still normal except this whole thing was starting to affect me. I’ve done this more times than I care to divulge but this one was hitting home. We kept talking, the conversation led to what we were looking for etc. She told me she doesn’t know what she wants right now, more or less she’s just kind of taking it easy, she was honest and also told me her ex and her have been trying to figure it out. That weekend she asked me not to text because she was going with him for the weekend to try and figure things out. It sucked but I said alright and did my own thing. That sat night she texted me, said she was thinking about me, etc. So another couple weeks go by, talking as normal and I can tell I’m starting to catch feelings, strong feelings. It has taken me completely out of my zone, it’s sucking at my confidence, it’s taking up my days. So I started asking for more dates, etc, asked he to be upfront with me.August 16, 2016 at 5:44 pm #108403
So now I’m stuck, since that night we had a bit of an argument because she’s sending incredibly varied signals. Hot one day, cold the next. I told her last night I needed to take it easy because of that, it’s messing with me and that I wouldn’t be contacting her but she could get ahold of me if she wanted. That same night she hits me up, I apologize for what I don’t know and here we are. I am pushing her too hard I can tell, I know it but it’s all that’s on my mind. I’m out of my zone, and I have no idea how to go about this without pushing her away and messing myself up in the process.August 16, 2016 at 5:44 pm #108402
Then I fucked up. I pushed too hard, something that’s very unlike me. I’m not a needy guy. A couple days later and we had a slightly heated exchange, she said that I am pushing too hard, she doesn’t know what she wants, etc. She has literally been hot and cold every other day, one min the she’s blowing me up, the next I don’t hear from her at all. It’s fucking with me. The current situation is that last night I basically told her I’m out. Can’t keep doing this crap to myself and I am having a shitty week to top that off. I told her Inwouldnt contact her but if she wanted to talk she could hit me up. So she hits me up that same night, I fall into weakness and apologize, brought her a bottle of wine. So here we are, our conversations have gone from good to shit but it’s obvious she still likes me. I like her and just want to get to know her better, not asking for commitment here but how do I do this without pushing her away? I’m completely out of my element.
vayacondiosParticipantAugust 17, 2016 at 12:01 pm #108573
I’m not sure you’re going to be able to do that.. Sounds like she’s seeking you out when things are going south with her boyfriend, feels better about herself because you like her, then goes back to him, until the next time he pisses her off. It’s hard to tell if she really likes you for you or just likes the attention, but until she gets rid of her fuckboy boyfriend you aren’t going to be able to get to know her better without hurting yourself in the process.
I think telling her you’re out was a good idea, but seems like she played a power move on you and just sucked you right back in. It’s not healthy.. think about what a relationship might be like if she gave you a chance. Seems very unsettling to me. Until she knows what she wants, you might just want to back off. I know that’s a LOT easier said than done, but you may feel better once you free yourself of the madness for a while. None of that is fair to you or the other guy honestly.August 18, 2016 at 9:18 pm #108814
ha! this is a challenge. I have occassionally come across a guy who could get under my skin very different than most. Those are the ones I am EXTRA protective of myself with. There are a lot of reasons why someone can have this kind of effect on you and all of those reasons exist in your subconscious. If you really want to know why she is pulling at your heart strings the way she is, I’m sure you could find out by doing a little soul searching. If not, you have to put on your big boy pants and get the heck away from her. She is playing with your HEART!!! She is not a safe person for you. She is like an addiction for you. She contacts you and you get that moment of pure pleasure and relief from the discomfort, then you go through withdrawal when she disconnects, then she connects again and there is the addiction cycle. So….like any addiction, it is entirely unhealthy. You need help! Tell your friends to help you, delete her phone number, block her number and STOP communicating!August 18, 2016 at 9:22 pm #108815
you keep trying to set boundaries by telling her you are done BUT….you keep telling her she can contact you. That is a half assed decision. You are not setting boundaries. If any other girl were to treat you this way, I am sure you would bolt in a second!!! SHE DOES NOT VALUE YOU! She may like you and of course there is an attraction AND she is stomping all over your heart and you are letting her….and reality is, you cannot control yourself. So, when I have gone through this, I tell my friends to be there for me, to distract me, i call or text them every time I want to call the guy, I start to work on my lack of integrity in how I am allowing myself to be treated and I get the heck away from the guy who is acting like a drug to me. This is not one of those situations that you can do on your own. I have coached people through this a gazillion times and not a single person was able to disconnect by sheer will power. They fall back into the pattern so many times!August 18, 2016 at 9:25 pm #108816
So….do everything you can to disconnect. Stay connected to the reality that SHE IS NOT AVAILABLE for anything that you want. You say you just want to get to know her, but DON”T. She has a hold on you like no other, so you are fooling yourself thinking that you won’t fall even harder and want more. She is not like any other girl to you, so don’t treat her as such. See her as a BIG DANGER because you have no control over your emotions or reactions about her. Care enough about yourself to realize this is not a good situation for you and it’s much more intense than you are willing to admit AND it’s time to put a COMPLETE stop to this!
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