She is confusing me!

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She is confusing me!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    roco148
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 9:39 am #130532
    She is confusing me!

    I normally don’t resort to this, but I need help…

    Some basic context — I’m very good friends with a girl that I’ve known for 4 years. When I first met her, she was in a long-distance relationship, and by the time they broke up, I was dating someone of my own. As of last year, we were both single, and that’s when things started to become confusing.

    -We hang out almost every week (we are both working adults). Usually she initiates. Usually with mutual friends, but lately just the two of us. She likes to do regular “activities” together — like dancing, sports, etc.
    -Her body language is very suggestive. For instance, she walks and sits very close to me, to the point where her shoulders (and legs) are not just touching mine, but bumping into mine. I’ve seen her looking at me before, and her feet are always pointing at me.
    -She makes psuedo-suggestive comments, for example, she says her gay friend likes me and then says that she has the same “type” as that gay friend.
    (more below)


    roco148
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 9:44 am #130535

    -Other people tend to assume we are a couple, but whenever anyone makes that observation (or suggests that she should date me), she immediately says NO
    -She jokes about setting me up with other girls, but never seems very serious about it
    -She never mentions any guys she likes, and always brings up how she wants a bf. Once she even told me she misses being together with her last boyfriend, and asked me if I feel the same way about my ex.
    -She gets “hot and cold”, some days she feels really distant and platonic, others like she’s already my GF
    -One bizarre episode in particular – last year we were planning a trip during National Holiday. She wanted to go somewhere with me, but I told her I was tired (just got back from business trip) and didn’t want to go somewhere too complicated. I told her she could find other friends to go with. But she kept changing the destination until I agree. And then she invited her female friend to join as well.


    Hellophones
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 1:59 pm #130582

    She likes you dear but is still not ready for relationship. She is just not ready for now to jump into a new relationship. As mentioned, she still hasn’t totally forgotten her ex or I will say not moved on. If you like her & want to get into a relationship with her, give her some time and some your time too. Reading your details I found that you know most signs of attraction so I don’t need to explain further. I will just say spend some time with her and make her feel comfortable with you & around you.


    roco148
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 4:05 pm #130536

    Some more details:

    -I started to hint that I liked her, but she was totally clueless and couldn’t catch onto it at all.
    -Sometimes she gets really jealous if I talk about / or date other girls… but sometimes she doesn’t at all. (If the girl is pretty, she’s more likely to get jealous)
    -I had another female friend (who possibly is interested in me as well) ask her if she likes me, to which she flatly said no
    -If I do something suggestive, like putting my hand on her thigh, she has no reaction. Doesn’t move away or seem uncomfortable, but doesn’t escalate.

    Anyway, I really don’t know what to do. She doesn’t seem to get hints, and I’d rather avoid having to bluntly confront her about this matter. My gut feeling is that she’s genuinely confused.

    I appreciate all help and insight!


    roco148
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 4:05 pm #130537

    But she also doesn’t seem to pick up on hints…

    -I began to start telling her that I liked her, but she couldn’t get it, and had no clue what I was talking about. I figured if she were interested, she could have seen it coming.
    -I had a female mutual friend (who also possibly likes me) ask her if she’s interested, to which she flatly said no
    -I tried to be more suggestive by putting my hand on her thigh. She had no reaction — didn’t move away or seem uncomfortable, but also didn’t escalate it.

    I could give many more details, but they are all along the same lines. Your help is appreciated!


    roco148
    Participant
    March 20, 2017 at 4:05 pm #130541

    But she also doesn’t seem to pick up on hints…

    -I began to start telling her that I liked her, but she couldn’t get it, and had no clue what I was talking about. I figured if she were interested, she could have seen it coming.
    -I had a female mutual friend (who also possibly likes me) ask her if she’s interested, to which she flatly said no
    -I tried to be more suggestive by putting my hand on her thigh. She had no reaction — didn’t move away or seem uncomfortable, but also didn’t escalate it.

    I could give many more details, but they are all along the same lines. Your help is appreciated.


    Hellophones
    Participant
    March 21, 2017 at 11:53 am #130698

    Reading your reply I feel I need more details. I don’t want to give irrelevant suggestions. Can you please provide some more instances?