She said she wants to focus on me, but she keeps her online dating profile open.

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She said she wants to focus on me, but she keeps her online dating profile open.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    rasputinsix
    rasputinsix
    Participant
    June 26, 2016 at 10:44 pm #104108
    She said she wants to focus on me, but she keeps her online dating profile open.

    So I’ve been dating this kind woman for the past few weeks. It got intense real quickly. It got to the point where we were talking about disabling our online dating accounts to strictly date each other. So I was the first person to deactivate my account and I told her. She then said she wanted to slow down and take it easy. That’s fair, right? So what happens? I reactivate my online dating profile and she still has her profile up. Hell, she even added more snippets about herself. Here’s the kicker. When she found out I reactivated my account, she got angry. Which makes no sense. How is it fair that I focus on her while she has her online dating profile up? She somehow turned it all around on me stating that she’s been burned before and she wants to really be sure that I’m honest (meanwhile, she’s perusing other potential dates). Am I crazy or does this sound a bit like: hypocrisy? Like an idiot, I deactivated my account. Any advice?

    1IN10K
    1IN10K
    Participant
    June 27, 2016 at 1:13 pm #104130

    Hi RasputinSix.

    Do you mind if I asked how long you have been on a online dating site? The reason I ask is there’s a couple of details about online dating. You can have a great relationship with someone for a week or two and then out of the blue they disappear without a trace or loose interest. Most start chatting with multiple people at the same time as it takes a lot at times to find someone who’s really interested and spending a week or two on one person alone just to get rebuffed is seriously painful. You can go through ten people before you find someone who might even just respond, let alone start communicating. It’s a harsh reality but the chances is very strong that you will end up in a non exclusive relationship for the first couple of weeks or even month.

    Getting back to your situation. The painful reality may exist that she is hedging her bets to protect her self from feeling hurt when it doesn’t work out and she didn’t want you feeling hurt when you found out.

    rasputinsix
    rasputinsix
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 9:41 am #104131

    Hi 1IN10K. Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated. My motus operandi when it comes to online dating is to focus on 1-2 persons at a time. I’ve tried the dating as many as possible to till the right one comes out. Unfortunately, that just ends up wearing me out emotionally and dating starts becoming more of a chore rather than something I look forward to. I’ve been hopping in and out of online dating for 6 years now. Each time I’ve found someone who was a good fit, I’ve deactivated my account and it actually results in a long-term relationship.

    In regards to your feedback *sigh* you’re right. I just don’t understand why she’d be upset if I reactivated my account vs. her keeping hers up. Sounds rather hypocritical. But from experience, most of the people who dive into online dating just don’t know what they want (myself included) which is why online dating can be such a frustrating crap shoot at times. Sometimes I feel like I have better luck winning the lottery.