She suddenly stopped responding, then worse…

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She suddenly stopped responding, then worse…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    penguin
    Participant
    December 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm #18443
    She suddenly stopped responding, then worse…

    There is this girl I met at work a few months ago that at first, there was nothing there except for a small chat here and there at work (how is your day going? and that). Then two of our mutual friends at work told me this girl really liked me and I should ask her out. So I figured I would and see where things went from there. We had a date set up only to have her cancel the night before because of too much homework. One of these mutual friends said it was a true reason and not just an excuse, so we rescheduled. Before we had a chance to go on that date, her ex showed up and she got back together with him. Our mutual friend told me not to worry that she still really liked me and the whole “ex thing” wasn’t going to last long. We still ended up going on that date as friends. A few weeks later she broke up with her ex and said that this was his last chance. During this time, I had 2 job offers come in (both out of state.) I had to choose one of them or get fired per a conract I had signed when I was hired. So I chose the closer of the 2. The last week before I left, we hung out every day after work on “unofficial” dates. 3 weeks after I moved, I used some of my vacation days to go back and visit her. I was only able to be there for 2 days and the 1st day she had been touring a campus that she would transfer to next semester. She got back to town late and was really tired so instead of taking her out, we just stayed at her place to watch a movie. She fell asleep part way through, and when it was over, she decided to go to bed. She offered for me to stay at her place and sleep on the couch (since I didn’t have my apartment anymore) but I thanked her and told her that I would just go to a hotel for the night. The next day we both had other plans until that night. After my plans were done, I asked how hers were coming (homework) and she said not good. I told her I could be there in an hour and a half to help her with it and then spend time with her after seeing as it was my last night in the state, but she said she was just going to have a girls’ night to study together. A few weeks later, she stopped replying to my texts. On Thanksgiving, I asked her if everything was alright and she said yes she was just really busy and apologized for giving me the cold shoulder. The conversation later went into her saying “I’m sorry but it’s not going to work between us. I am not ready for a relationship right now and don’t want you to feel like you wasted your time.” I told her I would wait for her but she said I shouldn’t. She has since stopped talking to me completely and unfriended me on facebook because I accidentally sent her a message meant for another friend saying that “I let her be the one to end it to make it easier on her to move on” because I was going to end it in the same conversation if she didn’t because I didn’t feel it was fair to her to do a long distance relationship so early. She replied to that with “if you didn’t want to hangout anymore you could have just said so” and “have a good life.” That is not what I meant at all by the message and she won’t let me explain it. It has been about a week and a half since this incident and I sent her a message the other day apologizing and saying I hope we can still be friends, but no response. Should I give it time and see if she comes around, or message her again in a week or 2, or just forget everything and move on? I still care about her and want to have her in my life at least as a friend. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!


    coryhopps
    Participant
    December 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm #18505

    Eh. That FB message kinda ruined any chance, but to be honest, she probably just used that as more fuel to her own choice of breaking ties.

    Truth is, you’re trying to make a long distance relationship with a girl who just got broken up with and isn’t ready to commit to you when she won’t even see you a regular basis. What you’re offering is a strain on her emotions and a lot of time she would have to devote to you, instead of herself.

    I say let her be, this girl just needs time to get her head squared away and focused on school. Besides, you’d just be a rebound, you saved yourself by taking the out-of-state job because if you didn’t you’d be in the middle of their breakup and you don’t need all that baggage. Go find a girl who’s completely available and willing to give you the time for a good relationship.


    Anonymous
    December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm #18507

    Great advice coryhopps! I completely agree. I would say let her go. She’s a mess right now trying to get over ex boyfriend and focusing on school. You already were rebound material for her, hence her ambiguity. And long distance relationship barely work when it’s at the beginning of something. Maybe if you had been together for awhile before you moved, there might be a chance, but you’re holding onto something that is obviously not working out easily. I know you like her, but she has been very clear on all levels she is not interested anymore. You apologized for the FB thing and that’s all you can do. Let the situation die down and find a local lady that can take much better care of you!