Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

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Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    brainy
    brainy
    Participant
    June 25, 2016 at 1:21 pm #104062
    Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

    Hey everyone!

    There is this guy at work and I’ve been crushing on him for a few months now. It actually started when I thought I picked up signs from him. He’s a bit awkward but there were several signs that he liked me. In the beginning of the year I asked him to go for a beer or so and often he would say yes first and then find an excuse why he couldn’t. It might sound naive but the excuses sounded believable and comprehensible (deadlines, etc.). He wouldn’t suggest another date which was quite irritating but I was always nice to him and didn’t show him that I was disappointed. Well, anyways, I tried to forget about him but he sometimes just does these things that kind of show me he’s interested and likes me but just very shy. Sometimes at work he initiates smalltalk when he sees me alone but when I am standing in a group of people he’s sometimes ignoring me or looking at me embarrassed. When we go out with a group of friends it depends…(tbc)

    brainy
    brainy
    Participant
    June 25, 2016 at 1:28 pm #104063

    …(2) last week, for example, it was super fun – we were only 5 people and only one person he didn’t know; and he was super relaxed and talkative, but always when he said words like ‘love’ and ‘affection’ he looked me directly in the eyes. This week we had a summerparty and I sat next to him and I think we were both very nervous and didn’t really find something to talk about (other than that we ate way too much). With other people around we both engaged in the conversation and at some point another colleague was sitting between us and we both talked to her and I saw that he mostly looked at me when he responded to her and on a very unrelated topic he actually said “You know, I am very shy” with looking me in the eyes again.
    As you can imagine, I am shy as well, but I have the feeling that he wants me to make a move. Should I ask him on a date? I am just a bit afraid I misinterpreted everything, as he often does not reply/react to my texts – but that’s also not always necessary (tbc


    lilyvalley
    Participant
    June 25, 2016 at 4:24 pm #104074

    I don’t think you should. What you do in the beginning of the relationship sets the tone for the rest. He’s the man, if he likes you enough he’ll get up the courage to make a move. Do you want a man who takes charge or do you want a wussy that you always have to take care of. Didn’t think you did. So sit back and just be very nice and friendly with him, continue to give him subtle signs of interest without coming on too strong. Eventuall he’ll grow to be comfortable around you and if interested ask you out. Good luck!


    lilyvalley
    Participant
    June 25, 2016 at 4:26 pm #104075

    I’m sorry I”m old fashioned and girls should be the prize that the man chases. If you serve yourself to him on a silver platter while he sits back and does nothing he’ll take you for granted and not appreciate you thinking you don’t have much worth.


    AD5063
    Participant
    June 25, 2016 at 10:50 pm #104080

    I think you should definitely make your feelings known by asking him out, but don’t go overboard. Just keep on asking him to hang out. You could also try to flirt with him a little more, to make it more obvious to him that you are interested in going on a date rather than out as friends. I know you said you are shy, but by trying to flirt a bit more you will be helping yourself adapt better to these kinds of situations. Even if this guy continues to come up with excuses not to go out, its practice for the next guy you get into. You could also go for broke and tell him flat you that your into him and that you would really like to go out with him on a date. Be careful though, don’t pressure him instead just go easy let him know, ask if he’d like to go out on a date, but reassure him that if he doesn’t want to/feel the same towards you then it wont affect your friendship. It’s important to not take the rejection personally and to just let things be as they are. Hope this helps!

    brainy
    brainy
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 9:39 am #104064

    (3) My job ends next week so I would definitely want to wait until we’re not “colleagues” anymore as I would feel very awkward at work if I asked him now. Also I don’t want to bomb him with texts as I just sent him a funny picture 2 days ago. So if I wanna ask him, I would do it a week after I left work. Does that sound alright? Am I seeing the “signs” right or am I just seeing things? I just never had to deal with a guy that shy and I am not really happy with having to make the first move, but if I want an answer this is how I get it, right?

    brainy
    brainy
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 9:39 am #104067

    …(2) last week, for example, it was super fun – we were only 5 people and only one person he didn’t know; and he was super relaxed and talkative, but always when he said words like ‘love’ and ‘affection’ he looked me directly in the eyes. This week we had a summerparty and I sat next to him and I think we were both very nervous and didn’t really find something to talk about (other than that we ate way too much). With other people around we both engaged in the conversation and at some point another colleague was sitting between us and we both talked to her and I saw that he mostly looked at me when he responded to her and on a very unrelated topic he actually said “You know, I am very shy” with looking me in the eyes again.
    As you can imagine, I am shy as well, but I have the feeling that he wants me to make a move. Should I ask him on a date? I am just a bit afraid I misinterpreted everything, as he often does not reply/react to my texts – but that’s also not always necessary (tbc


    shannonjohnson
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 10:14 am #104192

    I would definitely make it clear to him how to feel, not in an overbearing way though. Have a casual conversation with him and maybe tell him that you should spend some time together outside of work and ask whether he thinks that would be a good idea, but don’t pressure him into anything

    Mel4everable
    Mel4everable
    Participant
    July 1, 2016 at 10:03 am #104280

    NO! NO! As @lilyvalley said to my surprise, you need to let him chase you. If he really wants you, he’d pursue you and reply to your texts. I really don’t know if he’s interested, I’m not sure dear. N.B – Most players pretend to be shy or maybe he is using your shyness to his advantage because he knows that is your weakness.


    mysticfemale12
    Participant
    July 1, 2016 at 1:57 pm #104308
    Reply To: Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

    GO FOR IT


    ds1th
    Participant
    July 1, 2016 at 7:51 pm #104329
    Reply To: Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

    I would ask him out if you like him. He may like you but he sounds like my boyfriend — very shy and unsure about women. I was constantly making the moves in the start of our relationship, and still now. You may like him, but if you are someone who wants a man to direct the relationship, you will probably have to be OK with the fact that it won’t happen if he does like you and you start to date. You will be pushing the relationship forward more than he will.


    lilyvalley
    Participant
    July 1, 2016 at 8:04 pm #104330
    Reply To: Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

    dont listen to @ds1th, i told you in my response that if you make the first move you’re going to set that tone for the rest of your relationship and allowing him to claim he’s just not good at it as an excuse. ds1th is the example of what i said.You deserve someone who chases you


    Stanjoe
    Participant
    July 5, 2016 at 7:57 am #104327
    Reply To: Should I ask him out (shy guy!)?

    OMJ, YES, he definetely has feeling for you! Go for it! We know you can! If he is shy, he will wait a long time to make the move and by being nice to him like you say, he appears to have feelings for you too! As I said, Go for it! 😀 and Good Luck!