Should I break up with her?

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Should I break up with her?

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    johnp
    Participant
    December 22, 2016 at 2:25 pm #120936
    Should I break up with her?

    We dated for a couple of months last year (she broke up with me), then starting dating again about 3 months ago after we bumped into one another. Earlier today, we went for a cup of coffee. It’s was the last time we’d see each other before Christmas. At the end of the date, as we were both about to get in our cars, I gave her a Christmas gift. Before she took it, she looked at me awkwardly and said: “I didn’t get you anything.”

    About two months ago, when we’d been dating for about 1 month, I mentioned the day after my birthday that it was my birthday the previous day. When we saw each other the next day, I wasn’t expecting a gift or anything, but I thought a card would be appropriate, but she gave me nothing.

    I don’t actually care about the gifts – I’m an adult and can buy myself whatever I need, but it’s the lack of effort and interest that’s making me consider breaking things off. [see next post for the rest of the story]


    James 820
    Participant
    December 23, 2016 at 5:32 am #120953

    I can understand that it would be extremely frustrating to put a lot of thought and effort into a nice gift or gesture for someone and you get nothing in return. If things continue that way then you can count her down as not worth your time. I’m sick of it. Personally I know what it’s like to always be the one making the effort and not getting anything remotely thoughtful back in return, it hurts it really does because you can easily start thinking ‘well does she even like me’. Of course it is naturally the guy that makes the first move and therefore is the one who has to try harder initiating romance, certainly at first anyway, but after a length of time you begin to expect at least a nice gesture on her part. I’d say give it time because there are a few possibilities: Maybe she is playing on the fact that the guy should be more romantic and initiate more things (enjoying being the receiver and not wanting to change) or maybe she is just not a romantic. Hope this helps.


    johnp
    Participant
    December 23, 2016 at 9:09 am #120937

    She’s been texting me since I gave her the Christmas gift, and it sounds like she feels guilty. It feels like all of the effort and interest is coming from me, and that I’m just her entertainment. I’ve organised every single one of the dates we’ve been on.

    But I really like her. How do I get control of this situation? Should I break up with her and tell her that this is too one sided, or give her a chance?

    Many thanks for any responses.


    johnp
    Participant
    December 23, 2016 at 9:09 am #120938

    She’s been texting me since I gave her the Christmas gift, and it sounds like she feels guilty. I’ve organised every single one of the dates we’ve been on, and it feels like all of the interest and effort is coming from me. Should I break it off with her, or give her a chance? It feels a little bit like I’m being used, and I don’t like it. On the other hand, I do like her a lot.

    Do you have any advise.

    Many thinks for any responses.

    JDP96
    JDP96
    Participant
    December 24, 2016 at 12:39 am #120980

    It isn’t about what you receive from a person that defines their feelings for you. It is about the other things: are they there for you emotionally, are they physical with you, do they support you. That’s what you should be focusing on especially early in a relationship. Maybe instead of just breaking it off, sit down with her and have a conversation about how you feel, don’t let pride consume you. If she likes you and is invested in the relationship, she’ll listen. Remember though, to listen to her as well.

    chronicllysingle
    chronicllysingle
    Participant
    January 4, 2017 at 5:48 pm #121756

    It’s pretty clear she isn’t investing the same kind of time and energy in the relationship that you are. I would talk to her, ask her where her head is in terms of the relationship and if she’s interested in a serious relationship or just dating and having fun. Someone who is invested in the relationship and you would make the time and effort to go the extra mile and get you a little something for your birthday or Christmas, even if you didn’t discuss exchanging presents. She might be just thinking of this as dating and not considering this a serious relationship, if that’s the case then you know where you stand and can decide from that. My brother’s wife gave him an ultimatum when they first started dating, that if he wasn’t serious after 6 months she wanted to move on…not saying to give her an ultimatum, but maybe discuss if the relationship isn’t going anywhere then you need to move on since you’re interested in something more serious.