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mspepperminteaParticipantApril 5, 2018 at 11:05 am #169679
I am 34, and have recently started seeing a good man. He is hard-working, charming, ready to settle down, and capable of taking care of his family. I was content in the relationship, although it did feel like I was settling a little bit (but the thought of not being married by 35 was alarming).
The problem is that he criticizes me a lot, especially my appearance. I am not unattractive, yet he has told me from day 1 comments such: my legs are too thick, i should get my teeth whitened, get all my body hair waxed, get rid of skin blemishes, etc. I have been told on many accounts that I’m quite pretty, and have a nice body, so my self-confidence is pretty high, and did not take these comments to heart.
But recently he has told me to get breast implants, and to stop eating after 10 pm, as I may gain weight. I am appalled, and hurt by these comments, and told him so. He has apologized, but that he was only trying to “fix” me. AM I RIGHT TO DUMP HIM?
dashingscorpioParticipantApril 5, 2018 at 1:22 pm #169706
Lets examine what you have said: “I am 34, and have recently started seeing a good man.” “…it did feel like I was settling a little bit (but the thought of not being married by 35 was alarming).” You then go on to list all of the things he wants to change about you.
Generally speaking the beginning of a (new relationship) is called the “infatuation phase”. Both people are usually bending over backwards to impress each other. There’s a lot of flirtation, affection, spontaneity, passion, and romance. At this juncture people believe they’ve met their “soulmate”!
Settling is really about one taking the best available option they have to choose from. If you really believed you could do better than this guy you would dump him. Apparently you believe he is the best you can do. You never mention being “in love”. Your fear of being single at age 35 is why you’ll marry him. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Choose wisely! Don’t get married for the wrong reasons!
Robansas96ParticipantApril 7, 2018 at 8:04 pm #169882
Even if you do, it may not be for long, that type of attitude isn’t the best to trust..
morrowrdParticipantApril 8, 2018 at 5:05 am #169887
I’m not even sure why the word marriage is even in this post, since the relationship is still new. And on that, couples are on their best behavior, and from a man’s standpoint, if he is being critical now, just you wait until marriage. This isn’t a relationship where love is in the equation. You’re in it for the wrong reasons, he’s in it for the wrong reasons. If you love someone, you’re motives are going to be right, no matter what you say or do. He would look at you as if you’re the only girl on earth who matters. That’s not happening here….he’s trying to change you into something you’re not, which means, you aren’t enough for him, as is.
20FParticipantApril 8, 2018 at 8:28 pm #169909
Get out now, someone who doesn’t love you for you, isn’t the one
patatiParticipantApril 9, 2018 at 5:35 pm #169948
What about the thought of settling with the wrong man and having to fo through a divorce at 36, or 37, or 38 with 3 kids?
Consider yourself lucky that you are aware now how he is and that you are settling, and get out of that situation. The right man for you can be just around the corner but he won’t show up if you are losing your time with Mr. Doesn’t Like How I Look.
Single country girlParticipantApril 9, 2018 at 6:38 pm #169951
Hun no matter what do not ever let a man tear you down. Would you rather be married and unhappy at 35 or unmarried but happy? It’s a no-brainer.
A man who shows this behavior is not worth itband you arenworh so much more. Chin up and I hope you make d the right decision.
AnonymousApril 9, 2018 at 11:04 pm #169958
I would never tell you to dump him that is not my place, but you are seeing the signs. In a relationship both parties have to be accepting of each other, taking the good and the bad comes with the package. There is no such thing as a perfect person. You know deep down in your gut what to do. You know how he makes you feel. But you are questioning the one who loves you the most and that is You. Be true to you and in your truth there lies the answer. Don’t use your age as an excuse.
olimtinParticipantApril 10, 2018 at 3:35 am #169960
Dump him through phone, I would say. :/ He doesn’t deserve you. Marry someone who loves you for the way you are.
angellmiaParticipantApril 10, 2018 at 8:40 am #169890
you’re already debating between marrying him and breaking up with him…two quite opposite things. things are only going to get worse further into the relationship so don’t marry him just because of your age.
mspepperminteaParticipantApril 18, 2018 at 11:24 am #170967
Hi, thank you all so much! I am happy to say, that I did end things with him shortly afterwards, and I am more than happy. I already feel my self-esteem picking up, and am now able to focus on my work and friends. Sadly for him, he has resorted to stalking me via messenger and phone.
Honestly, you all gave the best advice! My life is so much happier and complete than when I was in the relationship.
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