Should I wait or go for it?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Should I wait or go for it?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    cooldude
    Participant
    November 23, 2013 at 12:26 am #43322
    Should I wait or go for it?

    There’s this girl I really like and I don’t know if I should wait to meet her naturally or just talk to her. Any other time I like a girl I go up and talk to her, but it never worked out, well because they had boyfriends. I feel like I’ve always had to be superman or a miracle worker just to make something happen which is why I’m currently decided to wait and hope we will naturally meet. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week, just looking at each other. Should I wait for some super natural force to bring us together or do what I always do and just talk to her? If I do talk to her should I just flat out tell her how I feel towards her or just mention that we look at each other often and should get together to talk and get to know one another? (Or something of that sort.)


    PaulineRhodes
    Participant
    December 6, 2013 at 7:48 pm #44162

    Never wait.

    Are you going to wait until she has a boyfriend? Are you going to wait until she thinks you are not interested? Are you going to wait until the Zombie Apocalypse?

    Step up to her today and just do what you already mentioned. Tell her you want to get to know her better and ask whether she prefers coffee, coke, or skydiving. Ok, so skydiving might be out of your budget, but I bet it would grab her attention and make her laugh.

    I was a waiter. I missed dating some of the most amazing women I have ever met, just because I waited. I finally took a class to help me overcome my fears and hesitation. I never wait anymore and I have met some fantastic women and gone on some great dates, just because I do not hesitate.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:11 pm #44175

    I first just want to acknowledge that you guys have a very tough job being the “initiators” for the most part. There is nothing easy about facing the possibility of rejection and sadly enough, many woman have little compassion or kindness with a man making efforts to connect with them.

    I love what paulinerhodes said….carpe diem right? There are a few things you need to think about first though. We all go through up and downs in life. I do not advise anyone to put themselves into situations that could cause emotional challenge and upset when the rest of their life is in chaos and challenge. For example, if you got into an argument with a co-worker or one of your closest friends has hurt you or maybe you found out your parents are splitting up or one is sick etc., I ask that people be very aware and careful about entering into a situation that could potentially add to more of their pain and hurt.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:17 pm #44176

    So make sure you feel pretty solid about yourself and your life before you go and take some risks. I know that I personally have some times where I just need to take care of myself and not put myself out there because I have some “housekeeping” to do.

    The second thing I want to invite you to consider, is maybe changing your viewpoint a little bit. I find that one of the most prominent weaknesses people have when dating, is their inability to handle rejection in a healthy way. They end up taking the rejection as personal vs. having the ability to maintain the truth that you are worth choosing and experiencing, regardless of whether someone else chooses you or not. If we all were connected to that truth 100% of the time, then we could risk and get rejected all the time but it really wouldn’t phase us, because we wouldn’t take it personally. So what I do is help people look at “rejecting” and “risking” differently.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:24 pm #44177

    Instead of trying to decide whether or not to talk to her, for fear that you might get rejected, what if you decided to talk to her simply for the reason of bettering yourself. If she ends up rejecting you, then you get to practice dealing with it, as that is a skill we all need to have since rejection is part of any relationship in various forms. You also get to practice living with your fear, but moving forward anyway. I have sooooo much more respect for a man who acknowledges they are afraid of something, but they choose to step into it anyway. Wow! That takes strength and courage and each time we face our fears, no matter the outcome, we get to find out we are okay anyway! By talking to her, you get to practice generating a conversation from nothing, a skill we all need at parties, meetings, weddings, new friends etc. You get to practice dealing with possible uncomfortable moments, also another skill we all have to use occasionally.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:31 pm #44178

    You know that quote that goes something like….”Life is a process, not an end result”….something like that! lol The same goes with moments in life. This girl is not a goal, she is a possible experience for you to develop certain skills for yourself, so you never really end up losing anything. If she is open to experiencing more of you, then great!!! You win! If she is not open and rejects you, you faced your fears and are stronger for it! You win again!!!! Of course it feels like sh#$%, but many of the most wonderful gifts come out of hurt and pain if you are willing to take that perspective.

    So I say talk to her, just for the simple fact of creating some internal emotional strength!

    Besides, for me personally, I no longer initiate. If a guy feels inspired enough to face his fears to come and talk to me, then I instantly have respect for him, as I know how difficult that can be. I also know that I will not get along well with a man who doesn’t face his fears.


    Anonymous
    December 7, 2013 at 10:33 pm #44179

    So it’s an initial way for me to weed out a man not emotionally strong enough for me. So make a statement to her that you have what it takes to be okay being uncomfortable, but going for what you want regardless. That’s SEXY and VERY APPEALING to us ladies!!!

    Good luck!!! Would love to hear how it goes!