Should I worry?

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Should I worry?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    skigirl87
    Participant
    June 22, 2016 at 12:47 pm #103847
    Should I worry?

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months, he just moved in with me and before that our relationship was long distance, as we lived 6 hours apart. We would go see each other every month, alternating. We love each other, we’ve talked about our future and getting married, and I know that our relationship is strong and where it’s headed. I’ve met his entire family and all his friends from where he used to live. Recently, we had been having more arguments, and they started when we went to the pool one day at our apt and he was looking at girls there. We have resolved things, and we both have agreed we need to work on better communicating things and he knows what he did was inappropriate. Though recently, I found out that in February, two days after he was here, he was drunk one night and suggested to two girls to have a threesome, ultimately didn’t because he said it was a “bad idea and shouldn’t cheat.” He doesn’t know that I know, is this something I bring up or even worry about?


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm #103907

    YEEESSS!!!! WORRY!!!! Here is a simple guideline to follow. Once is not a pattern. 2x is a weak pattern, 3x is a strong pattern. He has done 2 MAJOR things already. I guarantee with 2 red flags that strong, a 3rd one will show up. He may not be acting on it, but he sure is close to it. He is already wanting to cheat and you guys just moved in together. This has flavors of a sex addict or a guy who is terrified to commit and will sabotage all over the place. I don’t care how much you communicate, this is an issue he is coming to the table with, not one that has developed because of poor relationship dynamics. He is split. One part of him loves you and wants to possibly marry you and go down that road. Another part of him is inappropriately looking at other girls and getting drunk and asking for a sexual encounter with other ladies. I have coached women through this issue a gazillion times and very rarely have I been wrong. There is something not right here. What you do about it


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2016 at 10:06 pm #103908

    is up to you. Most men, when confronted would toss it aside and say “I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing. I promise I love you.I didn’t follow through with it because I love you!” blah blah blah. Or they love to blame the women for over-reacting and turning it into something it really isn’t. People are cheating on a certain level if they think about it!! They are energetically connecting with, imagining and getting connected to a “fantasy” they are building in their minds. And that fantasy does not include you. So yes…it’s a big deal and don’t let him tell you otherwise. I personally would walk as those are issues that I do not have tolerance to deal with. But I know…you love him. So walking is far from an easy decision. So I would talk to him and really get the low down on what’s going on in his head. He knows his habits, his patterns, his thoughts. He needs to let you in and teach you about him and what he’s going through. If he tries to make it no big deal or says


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2016 at 10:09 pm #103909

    says “I don’t know” as an answer to your questions as to what’s really going on, then accept this as who he is, he has no interest in fixing or changing anything and you need to jet. Those are childish answers and all it will show you is he is not ready to grow up and be a man and deal with his “shit.” Because whatever issue is going on, is breaking your trust and it’s only been 7 months! So “I don’t know” kind of answers are not good enough. You have a right to be worried!!!