Should you tell a date who doesn't respond how you feel?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Should you tell a date who doesn't respond how you feel?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2017 at 10:22 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    Noobie123
    Participant
    July 24, 2014 at 9:11 pm #58199
    Should you tell a date who doesn't respond how you feel?

    A few months ago after coming out of a 3+ year relation ship (I’m a gay girl btw) I joined an online dating site. I’ve had a few dates that haven’t really worked out. For over a month I was casually messaging a girl here and there. They were messages that were a week or a good few days between. A couple weeks ago we started texting very regularly thoughout the day and eventually made a date to meet up and we had a few lengthly phone calls. We hit it off well before we even met! A few nights ago we met and had a fantastic night. She seemed to really like me and I went back to hers for the night. After we did what we did she was even adamant for me to stay for the next day. In the morning I left her sleeping to go to work and text her a few hours later to say thanks for a great night. She replied as normal and we had our usual convos like before during that morning. My phone died so I replied later that night replying to a question she had asked. I’ve had no reply since. Bit confused…


    Noobie123
    Participant
    July 24, 2014 at 9:15 pm #58201

    …. If she wasn’t interested and didn’t want to talk to me again why was she talking to me like normal for a period after? Do I message her just saying that I’d have preferred no response or being let down gently over this? I know it shouldn’t bother me so much but I felt it a little strange as she seemed very sincere.

    anne113
    anne113
    Participant
    July 24, 2014 at 10:21 pm #58204

    Don’t tell her you preferred no response, because if she didn’t respond you would have been angry that she didn’t.


    Noobie123
    Participant
    July 25, 2014 at 8:48 am #58209

    I would have been a little disappointed but the fact she was speaking to me for a while then fell off the face of the earth has just made me confused. If I hadn’t heard from her at all at least I would have got the message clearly, now I just don’t know what happened?


    Anonymous
    July 26, 2014 at 12:22 pm #58316

    Hi Noobie123! This is one of the hardest things to deal with….the “not knowing” of what the heck happened! I have come across this issue with soooooo many people who are so confused about the same exact thing. Someone is there, interested, connected and all of a sudden, they are gone! Very conflicting messages!!!! It is so frustrating and as a result, people these days seem to be less and less trusting of each other in the dating world….and it is my theory that online dating has been the main source for these kinds of behaviors. It’s like a kid being in a candy shop. They WANT IT ALL!!!! and asking a kid to pick just 1 is just craziness! I find that online dating has caused quite of bit of impulse and a lack of patience. Back in the day before the whole online thing, dating lasted a heck of a lot longer because there were not 20 other people in the “inbox” so to speak, showing interest. So having so many choices makes someone try one on and if there is anything slightly


    Anonymous
    July 26, 2014 at 12:27 pm #58317

    missing or a bit off, that person gets booted and the next interesting person now gets the attention. There is very little tolerance for humanness and messiness and just getting to know someone well before they are so easily discarded. And a very typical pattern in the online dating world is instead of letting someone know you no longer interested, 99% of the people just stop responding or talking. The communication is non existent. So needless to say, give up the idea of ever knowing the “why” and look at the idea that she is not someone you would want to know anyway. I imagine you would want someone who was strong enough and honest enough to talk with you through anything and to honor and respect you enough to care about how she affects you. If this girl cannot offer this to you in the beginning, then she most likely will not be able to offer that to you in the future. This is where you set some very clear standards as to how you are treated. Let the idea of her go and


    Anonymous
    July 26, 2014 at 12:29 pm #58318

    connect more to the idea that you do not choose her either because she is not meeting up to your standard as to how you want to be treated. I’m so sorry she did that! It’s quite shocking and confusing and sadly….a very, very common story I hear sooooo many times from both men and women. Goodness into you finding someone who treats you like gold under all circumstances!!!