So confused

DATING ADVICE FORUM

So confused

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    leibermaus
    Participant
    February 8, 2013 at 11:07 pm #22250
    So confused

    I met a woman on a online dating service and we hit it off pretty well. Similar interests and tastes and we exchanged messages every day for a month. I learned quite a bit about her, finding out that she was on the verge of getting a divorce finalized and that she had three children and such and so forth.
    We agreed to meet and while it wasn’t the most romantic of times (she couldn’t find someone to watch her youngest, a fourteen year old) I thought it was very nice and a great getting-to-know you milestone. We had lunch at an Italian restaurant and talked about our mutual likes. She agreed that we should meet again during a better time.
    Since that first date, however, she has stopped texting and messaging as much and has said that she needs to “change her frame of mind” and that she needs to figure some things out. She still messages just not as often and isn’t as forthcoming about herself anymore.
    I don’t know if I’ve done something to offend her or if she just felt there was no spark when we met. Or maybe something else entirely. Have I fallen into the dreaded Friend Zone? Or is she not being completely honest with me? I have no clue anymore.


    BeachChica
    Participant
    February 10, 2013 at 1:55 pm #22255

    She either has a change of mind and feels bad telling you, or she might not have realized how busy she is with her kids and getting her divorce finalized. That is quite a lot on her plate. She could have simply thought she was ready to date, but then once she went on a date realized maybe she needs some more time and maybe needs to get the divorce finalized first. I would give her space and some time to figure things out… she seems she has a lot going on in her life…. Stay in contact , but keep talking to other women.

    underthesea
    underthesea
    Participant
    February 11, 2013 at 12:00 pm #22276

    I agree with her^ take your time, don’t push her anywhere, if you set high standards for her she’ll feel more pressure to make new ends meet and you’re in no place to make her choose you over her family.

    If you can be a support system and you are merely her friend, she will respect you later on and come back to you when she wants to pick up where you two left off.


    leibermaus
    Participant
    February 15, 2013 at 9:01 pm #22853

    Thanks to both of you. I chalk it up to being a little impatient. I’ve been dipping into the dating pool for two years now and this one is the only one I’ve found worthwhile. But both of you give sensible advice.

    sammiejones
    sammiejones
    Participant
    February 18, 2013 at 12:37 pm #22895

    There’s definitely a potential Friend Zone opportunity. I agree you should give her space but the ball is definitely on her court. Unfortunately if she’s not interested in you, well then she’s not .and won’t try to pursue you either. You should try very mild attempts in making sure you’ve tried all you can to show her your interest.

    If after a while (maybe a few weeks) you still haven’t spoken to each other, ask her out to catch up over coffee. If things seem normal or you can’t tell, see if you can take her out on a nice date and treat her to dinner. Hopefully she’ll accept if she’s into you, but if she rejects, it might be the final sign that she has too much goin on.