so confused

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so confused

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    sortitout
    Participant
    July 11, 2014 at 11:37 pm #57315
    so confused

    I have always been attracted to men but also always a believer that people fall in love with people not necessarily dependent on the gender. Four years ago I met a girl and I was completely under the impression it was just a friend-thing. I actually didn’t know at the time she dated girls. I ended up moving a few states away and we kept in contact via texting. Looking back now I know it was a more intimate emotional relationship, and I did develop feelings for her. However, at the time this was not something I was consciously aware of. By the time I was made aware what her intentions were and that at some point she did see me as someone she wanted to date (although she was never very honest about this another big problem with only texting) and came to grips with my feelings things became messy because she now had another girl in the picture and they entered into a relationship and I was left feeling very confused and hurt. Nothing ever happened physically. 2 years passed with


    sortitout
    Participant
    July 11, 2014 at 11:38 pm #57316

    very little contact between us until recently. I felt like all my feelings were gone and felt very comfortable we had come full circle and could be friends again. I have had some family issues that she knew nothing about but left me very stressed and needing to get away. So when I received an invitation to come visit her and go to an event we both were interested in I considered it without hesitation. I went and as soon as I saw her and hugged her I had all those feelings for her come rushing back. The weekend was really fun and it was like old times, without any mention of feelings. As it got closer to me leaving she got more and more distant and quiet. Side note: I do know she has a very strong feeling about a girl’s first lesbian encounter and how it always turns messy and obsessive and confusing and I’m pretty sure she was texting her friend regarding this theory while I was with her.I don’t know how she feels and its been very standoffish since. Do I tell her how i feel?

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  sortitout.
    Steven
    Steven
    Participant
    July 12, 2014 at 8:06 am #57325

    Hi sortitout,
    I would suggest just put it out there. Call her (not text) and tell her what’s going on in your head. If you need to, write it and rehearse it before hand. Be solid and concise in what you are saying. Listen (not just hear) to her response. Can you be OK with whatever she replies? Let her know how much value you have in the relationship and that no matter what or how things pan out, you want her to be a part of your life.


    decentmale
    Participant
    July 12, 2014 at 10:29 am #57329

    please end such a friendship.


    decentmale
    Participant
    July 12, 2014 at 10:30 am #57330

    she does not sound the right friend to you.


    Lifeinanutshell
    Participant
    July 13, 2014 at 12:05 am #57334

    I think that you should be open about how you feel. It is the best way for you to feel relaxed instead of having everything kept to yourself. If she returns those feeling, great! If not, then at least you won’t have the regret of not putting yourself out there.


    sortitout
    Participant
    July 14, 2014 at 8:49 am #57317

    believe her but I still did get a sense she was trying to pull away from me as it got closer to me leaving and since I have returned, but I don’t know for sure how she feels at all. However, I am now once again left with these feelings not sure what to do with them. I have never met a person male or female that has ever made me feel this way. I don’t know whether to just leave it be and once again move on with my life without her. Or say something to her about how I feel. We still live 2 states away, and I have no idea how I feel about a relationship period, but I know I have never wanted one with a girl before her or other than her. Please help, so confused again.


    sortitout
    Participant
    July 14, 2014 at 8:49 am #57318

    still did get a sense she was trying to pull away from me as it got closer to me leaving and since I have returned, but I don’t know for sure how she feels at all. However, I am now once again left with these feelings not sure what to do with them. I have never met a person male or female that has ever made me feel this way. I don’t know whether to just leave it be and once again move on with my life without her. Or say something to her about how I feel. We still live 2 states away, and I have no idea how I feel about a relationship period, but I know I have never wanted one with a girl before her or other than her. Please help, so confused again.


    moll533
    Participant
    July 16, 2014 at 12:05 pm #57613

    I almost feel like you need to pull away from the friendship and really evaluate what is important to you in your life. Figure out if you are someone who wants a future relationship with a girl, or is it just the circumstances of this particular friendship.