So confused on what is happening in my 8 month relationship with an older man

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So confused on what is happening in my 8 month relationship with an older man

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    dannymee
    Participant
    June 30, 2013 at 12:40 am #34556
    So confused on what is happening in my 8 month relationship with an older man

    Hi! My boyfriend is 12 years older than I. I am 46 and he is 58. He is very high up in law enforcement. From the time I met him, he mentioned wanting to have an exclusive relationship. I agreed because I liked him so much and was not interested in anyone else. We are both professionals and he is very busy alot of the times and has many responsibilities and well respected. After a couple months of dating, he started really giving me grief about leaving a Facebook picture up. There is nothing wrong with my picture, no cleavage, etc. just a normal pic. I do have friends that comment though and say I am pretty, etc. Nothing inappropriate. He told me he does get jealous. I actually change my profile pic and he told me he assumed I was telling him something and didn’t want him anymore. He said I do it for attention and he doesn’t understand why I do this. Why attention from him isn’t enough. He didn’t contact me for 3 days after I changed my pic and I didn’t know why he didn’t bother to contact me, so I asked if he was ok. He explained that he assumed I was telling him something and that he didn’t want to compete with other men. He then didn’t talk to me a couple more days even though I pleaded with him through email that I didn’t mean any such thing. I didn’t do anything wrong. He ended up calling me and we talked and made up and he told me he loved me when we hung up. That is another thing I didn’t mention. He told me he loved me after the first month 1/2 dating. He doesn’t say it often. I think he is the type that don’t express his feeling very often. He says someone once and he thinks you know. He is not very good with communicating through email. He has told me before he does not really like to txt/email, etc. he rather call. He is never consistent in contacting me. He might call a couple days and then I don’t hear from him for another few days. I always make sure I let him know I am thinking of him and miss him etc. He told me before that he likes this. Lately, I have been feeling like I come last in his life between work, etc. I finally sent him an email while he was out of town for a week at a conference for work. I told him that he has told me how much he loves me, etc and wants to be exclusive, but he doesn’t make me feel like I am very important and I just feel I have been coming last in his life lately. I also told him that I didn’t want to be something to do on his spare time. He told me before that in his last relationship he dated the woman for a year, but he was not in love with her and never told her. He just did things with her for something to do. He told me that I am different and he has told me he loved me, etc. I never pressed the issue, he told me on his own. Since Facebook was becoming such drama, I deactivated my acct so that he didn’t have to worry about it. He said he appreciated it, but I should do it for myself and not just to make him comfortable. I am really getting upset and frustrated that he does not communicate with me much and he still expects us to be exclusive. I feel like he is out at his functions all the time, on Facebook, etc. and I am in a box of sorts just waiting around for him. I finally voiced my opinion in a few emails last week and he never responded to my messages. The only email I received was one saying he would message me when he got home. He did send a quick message that evening and said that he made it home safe and sound. That was last night and I know he had a wedding to attend today, but still no message. If he would have never told me he loved me and wanted to be exclusive, etc. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this, but he did and if I ever went out with another man, etc. he said thinking of that drives him crazy and I wouldn’t want to deal with him when he is mad or he would probably make me cry. I have no idea what he means there, but. Just seems like he talks to me really formal sometimes and I have a hard time feeling like a part time girlfriend and I have voiced this in the email. I assured him I love him though. I am so confused. I have not seen him in a couple weeks because he was very sick the one week and then he had to go out of town. I have not been able to sit down and talk to him about all of this. He promised me that he wasn’t interested in me anymore he would tell me. Not hearing from him makes me feel like he doesn’t care or taking me for granted. I don’t know if I am overreacting. I need more attention from him. I just don’t understand why he tells me he loves me, I am the best thing that ever happened to him, etc. and then gets cold off and on. I have been nothing but accomidating, sweet, loving and caring. He is the one always saying we are too old and busy to have drama or play games, etc. He also told me if I ever feel neglected/lonely, etc. to tell him, so I do and he does nothing about it. I don’t get it. I know I should probably just break up with him, but I am in love with him. So hard.