Started dating a woman who is shy about getting in bed

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Started dating a woman who is shy about getting in bed

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    lookingaround
    lookingaround
    Participant
    January 25, 2013 at 6:06 pm #21285
    Started dating a woman who is shy about getting in bed

    I’m a decent looking guy, a confident business man and proud of my life. When I look for a woman to share my life with I expect someone who is just a s confident in herself.

    Well, that all changed when I met this lovely woman who is shy, reserved and not so outspoken. I love trying to get her to open up and get her to tell me more about herself. She’s got such an interesting introverted life.

    Well, fast forward, we both mutually decided to take things to my bedroom. I could tell she was nervous. We just had dinner (that I cooked) and it was obvious she was staying over. However once we both got comfortable under the sheet s and I wanted to make a move, she tightened her lips and pushed away. I asked if she felt uncomfortable and she nodded, yes.

    We just cuddled and slept alothugh it was difficult for me not to want more.

    First, I’m so attracted to this woman, but I can’t be ina relationship with someone who won’t open up to me like that. We’ve been together for 2 months, any advice?

    sphinx_s
    sphinx_s
    Participant
    January 28, 2013 at 12:31 pm #21376

    At least you’re not forcing her and you’re willing to take the right steps into a promising relationship. If she’s obviously shy then it’s obviously going to be tough for your to break the boundaries with her. I’d be curious to see if she had a bad experience in her past or hey, she may still be playing the field and not willing to sexually commit to a men just yet. For women we either need a reason to sleep with a guy or just a poor excuse LOL.

    Take your time, if you’re willing, and definitely ask her what she’s thinking and you can better understand what’s going on through her head.

    CleoKnows
    CleoKnows
    Participant
    February 1, 2013 at 6:39 pm #21731

    Yes, I agree. Take your time. She’ll confide in you more often if you let her feel safe around you.


    fancypants
    Participant
    February 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm #22352

    It’s true what Mrs. Cleo said, women need reassurance that their choices in bed won’t be reflected badly amongst their peers…they really do care what other people think!!


    slobeachboy
    Participant
    March 15, 2013 at 3:02 pm #26009

    Well if I were in your situation it would be a no brainer because I generally only like to be with confident outgoing and fun loving women. I also like a woman who is comfortable with her own body. In fact even being with a women who wants to turn the lights out during sex, or has to cover up to get out of bed and go to the bathroom, would be a huge turn off to me. The other reason I don’t get involved with sexually repressed women is because it’s always a sign of deeper underlying issues that will cause all kinds of headaches down the road.
    Back to your situation though, there are two main reasons why women put off having sex with a man they are dating for a long time. The first reason is that they are terrified of being hurt again and they think that getting to know the guy as thoroughly as possible before sex will somehow prevent this from happening again. Unfortunately the truth is that the more anxiety a person has about being hurt the more likely they are to be hurt again, regardless of how long they put off sex. I personally wont get involved with women who are that emotionally fragile in any case.
    Anyway the second reason a women puts off sex is because she’s self-conscious of either her body or her ability to please you sexually, or both. This reason is mostly limited to older women but occasionally you can see it in young women as well.
    Of course with the first two reasons usually sex still happens once they actually get to the point of being in bed with you.
    This leaves the third option, which is that she may have been sexually abused as a child. And as someone who has dated a few sexually abused women I can tell you that you really don’t want to go down that road if you can help it. But if you really think she’s “the one” then go for it but be prepared to be very patient and to deal with a lot of frustration. And remember that even after you get a formerly abused woman to have sex with you it might not be what you expect. For example she might just freeze up and stare at the ceiling during sex as if she’s trying to be somewhere else. This will then make you feel like some kind of a creep for having sex with her in the first place. Men need sex like they need food or air to breath so you don’t want to be in a situation where you are constantly torn between your manly needs and not wanting to traumatize your girlfriend.
    Oh I almost forgot the fourth option. She could have been raised in a strict religious family, which taught her to associate guilt and shame with sex. This is one you definitely want to steer clear of.
    On the other hand, since this post is in the “over 50” section I’m guessing that your lady friend is just not comfortable with her body due to her age or uncomfortable with being intimate because she’s been out of the dating scene for a while.
    Anyway best of luck figuring it out.