Texts every day but we rarely see each other

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Texts every day but we rarely see each other

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    lostintranslation
    Participant
    November 12, 2014 at 5:31 pm #67527
    Texts every day but we rarely see each other

    Met a guy online 6 months ago. We had immediate chemistry and more so in person. Both 40. After first date he texted me constantly about seeing me again and then the day were were going to I get a text he’s just not sure if he ready for a relationship and really confused.

    I said, you know we had 1 date and some fun texting, I understand. Fully expected never to hear from him again but then got a text the next night.
    When we went out a 2nd time he told me the story of his ex girlfriend that he met shortly after divorce. Said he fell hard and was shocked when her husband called to ask why he was having an affair with his wife. Because of this, said he liked me but was really just not ready for anything serious.

    Recently divorced myself I was cool w/ that but now I have fallen for him. We text daily but he rarely asks me out. When I ask to see him he usually has an excuse.

    Is he truly still working through this or just stringing me along? Want him to want me as much as I want him


    kiki2009
    Participant
    November 14, 2014 at 9:46 pm #67602

    I personally think he is stringing you along. If he wants to see you he will attempt to see you. Texting are just words on a screen if he doesnt do anything more than that then unfortunately I would just stop replying and see what he does. Or even just be slightly more withdrawn

    Honu34
    Honu34
    Participant
    November 14, 2014 at 11:47 pm #67604

    I was in the same situation. I allowed it to go on for only 2 months before I really got fed up. I was in the notion that I should be happy with whatever relationship was I could get. I knew I could do better and so can you. Find someone who wants to actually see you and not just text!

    Matchmaker3
    Matchmaker3
    Participant
    November 15, 2014 at 9:24 am #67610

    Hi Lostintranslation,

    Sounds like a tricky situation you are going through.
    – first of all, if you want to see him, take a step back with texting. Sounds strange but you are at risk of falling on the friend zone with too much texting. It is reassuring for him to know that you are there, still available and waiting for him. It is reassuring for you too but it will not lead anywhere, only you falling more in love with him and getting more frustrating.
    – Do not invite him out. Again,this is giving too much too soon and he will never take the lead or make any decision if you are making the decisions for him.
    – Let him go through what he has to go through.Don’t act like his therapist or friend, otherwise you risk to end up again in the friend zone and him looking for someone else when he is ready.
    – Start dating again, keep meeting other people.Keep your choices open as you may be wasting your time with him. If he comes back, you have then the decision in your hands. Hope it help!


    JohanD
    Participant
    November 16, 2014 at 8:15 pm #67644

    It sounds like the guy is currently not that ready to commit. The reason he gives is a bit strange, in the sense that it’s because of his ex-girlfriend. Has he not gotten over her yet? Is he maybe the one married? (I guess you checked that out already though)

    He has obviously been interested in you because of his follow up. If he is not flexible to meet you, I see 3 options:
    1) He has to much work
    2) He is dating someone else
    3) You clearly communicated that you wanted a serious relationship, which isn’t what he is looking for at this moment.

    Matchmaker 3 have some good advice her I think. If he isn’t interested in a serious relationship, but you keep on insisting more he will probably lose interest.

    In any case, you want to check if this guy is really worth spending your time on, so don’t give up yet. Next time you talk to him, instead of planing to meet on a specific date, ask him when he is available to meet and what he wants to do. His answer will tell you a lot!


    sdiamond10
    Participant
    November 16, 2014 at 8:36 pm #67647

    I don’t necessarily think that he is stringing you along. I think that he seems to be having cold feet about how far he wants the relationship to go at this time. I would try to make a specific date and time to see him and see if he is willing to follow through as a casual second date, and see where things go!

    soundheart
    soundheart
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 2:03 am #67701

    From the information that you provided. I don’t think he is stringing you along, but very guarded. I would continue to respond to his texts and go on dates when it works for you. Still keep your options open, so not to invest ALL your energy and emotions on him. Keep yourself active and involved in your own interests too, so not to allow yourself to get even more attached since from what he has shown he is not in a position to provide the kind of relationship you want at this time. However, that is not to say he never will or it won’t evolve into something more when he’s ready. Keep your heart open and wish you all the best! 🙂