The "I used to have a crush on you" comment


The "I used to have a crush on you" comment

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    May 3, 2013 at 11:45 pm #30440
    The "I used to have a crush on you" comment

    1 week ago, Friday night, I received a Facebook message from a friend that I used to work with. I’m no longer in the same department but we do still work for the same company. I’ve know her for about 7yrs and have always been attracted to her but since we were in the same department I never pursued anything. We saw each other maybe once a week but it was almost always in a group setting (meetings, etc).
    During our 2 hr facebook chat she mentioned how hectic her childhood was and I commented that her parents had done a pretty good job. They raised a beautiful daughter who was successful and about to go back to school. She said that I made her blush. about 20 more minutes into our chat she said “I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but years ago, I used to have the biggest crush on you” “dont panic I’m not trying to pick u up”. This is where FB might have screwed me. For some reason I did not see the “crush” comment on my phone. I only saw this the next day when I was on my PC checking to see what we actually talked about (it was late). My initial response when she said this was “I wouldn’t panic if you did!”. She mentioned how she was always intimidated by me because I’m so tall. She made comments about how shy she was so I said “So when we go on our first date will you still be shy?” She said that she’d always be shy but that she couldn’t go on a date with me. First she joked and said because she was becoming a nun but then said “seriously though, I’m just getting out of a relationship”. I asked her what happened and she said it was a long story. I joked about it being a good reason to talk over dinner and she said “maybe drinks but just as friends”. We ended the chat shortly after this and then two days later I asked if she’d like to meet for drinks. First she said that she had tentative plans but if they fell through could probably do drinks after work. The day of I texted to see if she was able to meet and she said that she didn’t have any plans but that it probably wasn’t a good time. I pressed a little and said that it would just be two friends meeting for drinks and a few laughs and that I had no expectations for it leading to anything more (little white lie). She agreed
    So we met for drinks and talked for about 4 1/2 hrs. Found out that she was engaged for 2yrs and that it had just recent;y been broken off (within 6 months I think). He is in his early 50’s? and she’s in her late 20’s. She looked a little emotional when their relationship was talked about so I didn’t press and tried to keep the mood light. I felt like the night went well and it ended with a hug which she initiated. That was a day ago and I haven’t tried to make contact yet.
    Should I continue to pursue her?
    Should I wait for her to make the next contact?
    I’m pretty up front and blunt and have never been good at reading “signs”.

    May 13, 2013 at 6:36 pm #31093

    Eh, first of all how old are you? If she’s interested in men with such a large age difference and you’re a lot younger, she may not be looking for someone like you, especially since she just broke off an engagement.

    2 years is very very long and remind yourself that when you think you might be starting something with her, even if it is within the next couple months. They must have made plans and thought of a future with each other. I think it’s important to also know why they broke up, might give you insight about her.

    But sorry, back to your questions, I think you should hold off. She’ll respect you if you are a kind friend and don’t jump onto her emotional state of mind. You might end up as a rebound and nothing more.

    May 13, 2013 at 7:59 pm #31097

    I’m in my late 30’s. I’ve held off and have just kept things as friends. We’ve met for drinks several times but just as friends. I agree the timing isn’t right.