This is a big red flag, isn't it?

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This is a big red flag, isn't it?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    matt67
    Participant
    September 22, 2015 at 7:52 pm #85748
    This is a big red flag, isn't it?

    There is this girl that I work with. In person, she gives me loads of interest, says she likes kissing me, but often lets conversations die via text and very rarely initiates phone conversations. After a few dates, I learned that she is religious and does not think highly of sex outside of a relationship. The third time I asked her out she accepted, but rejected the idea to go out somewhere with an obvious indication of wanting to come to my place. So we did just that. Things got really hot and sped up and slowed down again over and over, but she was very into it and was very participant. When trying to line up another date, however, she said we went too far. I told her it sounded like she wanted me to back off for a while, and that I am fine with that but I wouldn’t stop trying to spend time with her in the future. She says “that is not what I was trying to say but that works.” What works!?!? She said she would explain in person. I wont hear from her if I don’t call her, but I am reluctant to be persistent and follow up because this suggests she is playing games and wasting my time. A shame because I really like this girl. She is fairly young, gets loads of attention from men, and it takes two to tango and despite her personal feelings, she contributed as much as I did so this seems to suggest that I friend zone her and move on.

    • This topic was modified 2 years ago by  matt67.

    Kayla
    Participant
    September 22, 2015 at 8:18 pm #85754

    Let her say what she has to say. It sounds to me that she actually likes you


    Anonymous
    September 23, 2015 at 4:11 am #85781

    Give her some time as she can be a little bit afraid to say you something special.


    matt67
    Participant
    September 23, 2015 at 8:06 am #85757

    Let her say what she has to say. It sounds to me that she actually likes you

    I know she likes me, at least sexually, or it wouldn’t have gone as far as it did or that fast. My concern is that I will not hear from her (she usually does not text or call me). One week from today, I will see her at work (we work one day of the week together) only briefly, and work is not a good place to talk about such things particularly because when I am talking to someone it means that I am not working at all due to the nature of my job. I also expect that she feels guilty about how far we went and will not be open to talking about that subject around people she knows (ridiculous societal stigmas about women and sexuality…)

    So I should call in a few days to arrange a meet and hear her out (or possibly get blown off if this is in fact a game)?


    matt67
    Participant
    September 23, 2015 at 8:07 am #85759

    I know she likes me, at least sexually, or it wouldn’t have gone as far as it did or that fast. Personality wise, who knows, but she did close down a bar with me and we barely drank and seemed to really hit it off. My concern is that I wont hear from her because she almost never calls or texts me. I only see her at work once a week, and work is no longer a good environment to talk to her for very long because the nature of my job has gone back to working underwater. Plus she knows everyone, and would be uncomfortable talking there (thanks, sexist societal nonsense about female promiscuity). If this is a respect issue, I respect her and would value her more as just a friend. If she is worried about us getting to emotionally involved too fast, I am right there with her on that because I have been hurt before. Or both. A conversation would settle those issues.
    So I should call her in a few days and arrange a meet to hear her out? I am still not convinced this isn’t a game.

    Let her say what she has to say. It sounds to me that she actually likes you


    matt67
    Participant
    September 23, 2015 at 8:07 am #85760

    I know she is at least attracted to me, or it wouldn’t have gone as far as it did. Personality wise, who knows, but she did close down a bar with me and we barely drank and seemed to really hit it off. My concern is that I wont hear from her because she almost never calls or texts me. I only see her at work once a week, and work is no longer a good environment to talk to her for very long because the nature of my job has gone back to working underwater. Plus she knows everyone, and would be uncomfortable talking there (thanks, sexist societal nonsense about female promiscuity). If this is a respect issue, I respect her and would value her more as just a friend. If she is worried about us getting to emotionally involved too fast, I am right there with her on that because I have been hurt before. Or both. A conversation would settle those issues. So I should call her in a few days and arrange a meet to hear her out? I am still not convinced this isn’t a game though.


    matt67
    Participant
    September 23, 2015 at 10:26 am #85805

    Sorry about that! It seemed like it wasn’t posting the reply yesterday. Guess I didn’t realize there is a delay for moderation or something or maybe it was just a glitch


    matt67
    Participant
    September 24, 2015 at 8:30 pm #85918

    An update. This is now obviously a power play on her part, and a red flag. She tried to set up a meet later in the day that morning, but I was busy (as she was), Tried to reschedule a different time but she got arctic with me. Time freed up for me when she said she was free by moving stuff around last minute, tried to meet her, she blew me off. Called her, no answer, left a voicemail saying “cut the crap” but not in an angry way, just voicing my annoyance.

    She got mad at me via text immediately after. We went back and forth. I made the mistake of explaining myself to her rather than just backing off. After a few long messages back and forth I ended with “I suck at texting, your feelings are yours to share or not share at your leisure, thanks for clearing the air about the whole scheduling miscommunication today” and bid her a good night.

    The following day I see her at work, run into her and say hello, she refuses to look me in the eye and hides behind her desk.


    whb1919
    Participant
    September 25, 2015 at 3:19 pm #85962

    Wait and let her say what she has to in person. Better to get it first hand and not have to interpret a text. Body language says a lot


    Ollistar
    Participant
    September 25, 2015 at 8:36 pm #85969
    Reply To: This is a big red flag, isn't it?

    This could go one of two ways the way i see it. First you could just give her space and let her come to you. But judging by the info you stated about her she is an over thinker. She wants a real connection not just an office hook up. So in my opinion giving it space will just leave her in her head and will awkwardly play out not in your favor. Second which i think you should do is to assert yourself. Tell her hey look i know things got a little weird but as i said i suck at text. I feel we have a connection and i would really like to see where it goes. In todays world there arent too many connections made. Tell her you are willing to take things slow and get to know eachother. Maybe suggest a phone CALL not text and start back at it slow.


    smt_karl_84
    Participant
    September 26, 2015 at 5:09 pm #85981
    Reply To: This is a big red flag, isn't it?

    Sincerely, she seems way too unstable. Take a step back, and try to think about this straight for a couple of days. Breaking contact for half a week will not harm your relationship with here (if there is actually any) since you are just starting and it will give you time and space to think this trough.


    matt67
    Participant
    September 30, 2015 at 4:32 pm #86270
    Reply To: This is a big red flag, isn't it?

    after that first argument she just showed up at my place and it was a really good time. Whatever was too far we went further. We connected too. Saw each other a few more times but she never told me how she felt, but I just went with the flow. Recently she went cold on me again after I had to take her home after spending some time with her, and I had no idea why. So I let her be, got the silent treatment at work again, ignored it, and then as she left she texted me offering a ride (it was raining but I prefer walking to work to driving) I didn’t need one but asked her to lunch and she rejected me. I found it annoying that she would go cold on me, and then text me to bait me into a rejection so I straight up aske her what that was about. She said I was rude, I defended myself, said I wasnt, and said see you later. She got into it with me and we argued. She seems unstable and definitely not emotionally mature. A shame because everything else about her is great


    mmiddy
    Participant
    September 30, 2015 at 10:36 pm #86289
    Reply To: This is a big red flag, isn't it?

    She kikes you a lot, give her a lil time