This is pretty crazy- need all advice

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This is pretty crazy- need all advice

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    olioli
    Participant
    April 9, 2014 at 10:34 pm #50835
    This is pretty crazy- need all advice

    I was seeing a man for 3.5 months. We were in an official relationship and everything was going great. He just spent 1000 on me to go on vacation with him a few weeks ago and I thought we had really bonded and took our relationship to the next level. We discussed meeting eachothers families and staying together long-term. Cut to the day after we get home and he disappears never to be seen or heard from again. I texted once after the first 4 days asking him what was up and received a “busy at work” response. 8 days later I texted basically accepting hed pulled a shade out but politely asked for my personal items returned Id left at his house to be mailed to me because Im certainly entitled to them. I never even got the respect of a response! This guy is a grown man with children and Hes definitely alive because hes actively “liking” things on facebook. Can someone shed some light on What the heck happened here? This behavior is beyond bizarre and I cant wrap my head around it

    Zeus
    Zeus
    Participant
    April 10, 2014 at 12:40 am #50839

    Always a good idea to not rush a “Relationship”.
    Nor rush the idea of, “Being in a relationship”.
    Taking the more relaxed stance on a dating situation with someone allows them to relax, and not feel as though they are being pressured into having a relationship with you.
    Give your self at least 6 months to a year to quantify your time with someone as a “Relationship”.
    Also put off meeting each others families for about 6 months. Nobody else needs to know your “Date of the month” flavor. See where it goes first.

    Having sexual contact, traveling, and basically doing things together, doesn’t always mean you’re in a relationship. Likely you were just “Dating” each other, and because you [and he] did not want to date others congruently, the entire situation felt like a relationship.

    So really there was no “Official relationship”. You were just dating each other a lot.
    Someone more exciting probably showed up and he only dates one at a time.

    Rebecca
    Rebecca
    Participant
    April 10, 2014 at 1:43 pm #50895

    Do you think he is married?

    Rebecca
    Rebecca
    Participant
    April 10, 2014 at 1:50 pm #50897

    He may have realised during the holiday that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you, holidays can break even the strongest friendships/ relationships.all that time together. However you are entitled to your belongings. He is not polite, respectful or very honourable. Do you know much about him?, did you meet his friends or family? Maybe they could shed some light on his odd behaviour?


    olioli
    Participant
    April 10, 2014 at 6:52 pm #50960

    Zeus and Rebecca,
    We had discussed that we were in a relationship while on vacation and he was introducing me as his girlfriend to everyone. We also had an exclusivity discussion as well. This is why the events that transpired immediately after are completely bizarre to me.

    So if he “found someone more interesting” it was before and he was flat out lying and making promises for no reason, or right after , and I find it hard to believe that someone will just up and vanish on their girlfriend because they met someone within a day or two. Thats insane.

    Ive only met one of his friends and never his family. Im against meeting families until at least 6 months or longer.

    Additionally, he was the one who brought all of these things up on vacation. I didnt pressure him or rush. In fact I had never brought it up and basically just followed his lead.

    All I know is that this behavior seems like a complete 180 from the man I was with. I must have missed a red flag somewhere.


    jake
    Participant
    April 11, 2014 at 3:50 pm #50976

    It sounds like he got scared of being in a relationship when you got back from the vacation or maybe felt like things were moving too fast for him. Then instead of being mature about it, is using then immature tactics to handle the situation.


    tripped
    Participant
    April 11, 2014 at 6:20 pm #50901

    Yeah it sounds like a mixture of the vacation making him realize you guys were not right, and him just being a straight up A-hole.


    bryceisbryce
    Participant
    April 14, 2014 at 6:18 pm #51175

    Sounds like he realized that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but he’s not mature enough to talk to you about it so he runs away from commitment.