three magic dates followed by one bad one…how to recover?

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three magic dates followed by one bad one…how to recover?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    william
    Participant
    March 19, 2013 at 1:54 pm #26222
    three magic dates followed by one bad one…how to recover?

    Ive met this girl and we have had the most amazing chemistry from the first date, two others followed in the same way .. but the last one was disappointing and not sure who to recover.. do I talk about what wasn’t so good (it wasnt a disaster but felt like so many opportunities to build were missed and I know she felt the same) or do I just try and create another fun date and try and hope she is still interested ..


    Kurtis
    Participant
    March 19, 2013 at 3:10 pm #26238

    What was so bad that you feel you need to recover? Did she start ignoring you or reject you somehow?

    Or did you build up some imaginary circumstance and it not go your way? Too many unanswered questions, can you explain the last date?


    slobeachboy
    Participant
    March 19, 2013 at 3:15 pm #26240

    Well, you really didn’t give me much to go on here but the way I see it there are basically two possibilities. Either she’s just been slowly cooling off to you the whole time and has just been good at not letting it show up until now. Or you said or did something at some point that just really turned her off and you just didn’t catch it when it happened. If it’s the former then there’s really not a whole lot you can do about it. If its that latter on the other hand you really need to find out what is was that turned her off about you and make sure it wasn’t just a big misunderstanding. Let me give you an example of how easily these kinds of misunderstanding can occur. When I was living in Thailand I was dating this particular girl and on our second date we went out to a nightclub. Anyway when we were getting out of the taxi in front of the club I gave the guy my money and just got out expecting him to keep the change as a tip. Then my date gets out behind me and as we were walking toward the entrance of the club she hands me the some money, the change from the cab ride. I just figured she didn’t believe in tipping so I didn’t argue with her and just put it in my pocket. Anyway the night went great and in fact that was the night we first slept together so I had no idea I had done anything wrong. Sometime after we stopped seeing each other however I found out from her that based on the taxi incident she always thought I was cheap and she really didn’t like that at all. Unfortunately she kept it bottled up inside for months instead of mentioning it right away. Of course the truth is I always tip well and I’m not cheap at all and the whole thing was based on a simple misunderstanding – communication is key. So it can often be something as simple as that and unfortunately women won’t tell us about these things and they just let them fester. They pretty much just expect us to figure it out on our own – like were supposed to be mind readers or something.
    Anyway these are the most likely causes of your last date not going so well but there are a few other less likely possibilities. It could be that by the third date you both just ran out of things to say and this silence caused you to both feel awkward. But I think by a third date most people are comfortable enough that they can be perfectly relaxed being a round each other and not talking, I know I can.
    The other less likely possibility is that she has bipolar disorder or some other kind of condition that causes her to be up one day and down the next. Or she could be dealing with some personal issues that are keeping her preoccupied but which she does not yet feel comfortable confiding in you about.
    Anyway you’re just going to have to figure out which it is yourself. In any case if she still wants to see you then you should definitely keep seeing her. Just don’t psyche yourself out worrying about what happened on the last date. Tomorrow’s another day.


    william
    Participant
    March 19, 2013 at 9:53 pm #26318

    ever feel like you have been doing so well with a girl it’s completely natural and the chemistry is electrifying? Then on this fourth date your off your game, a little mechanical so it sounds like an interview at times and it’s just not as great .. And you see that she is having some doubts .. You know you like her and she likes you but it’s at the weird stage where you’re not sure you should talk about it afterwards or just ignore and shoot straight ahead in the hope you get back to the level you were at?


    slobeachboy
    Participant
    March 20, 2013 at 3:14 pm #26456

    I’m not sure what else to say here except that you’re waaaaaaay over thinking this thing. Either she still wants to date you, in which case you just try again and make the best of it. Of she doesn’t want to date you again, in which case you just move on and forget about her. And if you’re too afraid to even ask her out again based on the last date then you’ve already lost the game in my opinion and you would just end up making things even more awkward on the next date. Of course a girl won’t keep going out with you if she doesn’t like you. And if she likes you and she keeps going out with you yet things are still awkward between you then, YES, you DO need to talk to her about it. Just say “hey, you don’t seem like yourself lately, is there anything you’d like to talk about?” It’s not rocket science. And remember, communication is key to any relationship.
    Anyway, like I said, you have two choices here. You can either put her out of your mind completely and just get on with your life, or you can man up, sound the charge, and go back in with a take no prisoners attitude and just get the damn job done. End of story.


    coryhopps
    Participant
    March 20, 2013 at 3:16 pm #26461

    If it wasn’t so bad that you can ignore it because it was awkward then it sounds like you’re over thinking it. Dating IS awkward. Accept it, it won’t go perfect every time so don’t try to create a fairy tale every time just bc the first few went so well. Appreciate the time with this chic. Have fun and just get to know her…