Tier 1 cheating

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Tier 1 cheating

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Kizaray
    Participant
    May 3, 2017 at 5:43 pm #135350
    Tier 1 cheating

    Hey everyone and thanks for your time!

    I have been with this girl for about a year now. Everything was going great. So to cut a long story short, this girl uses the same password for everything so I have always had access to her email, facebook, etc… but I never really looked into it. 3 days ago I had a moment of curiosity and I found a message thread between her and a guy who is around 40+ years old. (She is 22 and I am 27) The messages were clearly explicit and flirtatious but there was never messages about meeting or sex and that stuff. I confronted her and after a day of her running and avoiding talking to me about it she finally came over and told me her reasons and apologized profusely. I can see how much she is shaken up by this and I truly believe she is genuine. She named reasons like “fear of commitment” After talking to her I told her that I wanted to take a break and see other people. I don’t have any girls in mind and I know she probably doesn’t either.


    Kizaray
    Participant
    May 3, 2017 at 5:47 pm #135351

    Continued…
    My thinking is that if she felt like she wanted to go out and flirt with other guys she is not valuing our relationship. My goal in this break is
    1. give me time to think.
    2. give her time to think about how much I mean to her and for her to have to imagine me out seeing other people.
    3. give me time to calm down because honestly I’m pissed.

    So my question for you guys is…
    Is that a good course to take? Is taking this break a good idea? Should I even consider taking this girl back? How the hell am I ever going to trust her again? I don’t want to feel the urge to read through her messages or look at her phone when i hear it ring. I don’t like living like that. That said I could see myself marrying this girl so long as something like this never happens again.
    Thanks in advance for the replies!

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    May 3, 2017 at 6:19 pm #135354

    okay just a couple of things i’ve learned about females over the year that you sould know.
    1. girls do NOT take break-ups lightly. Once thre is a break-up – they hardly ever go back. (Once the girl says, “yeah. we should break up” – it’s gone). So if you are doing this to try and figure things out to fix it between you two, don’t call it a break-up, call it “some time apart” or “separation” or “space” – but don’t call it a break-up. Females internalize “break-up” specifically very differnt from males.

    2. girls are wired such that they don’t see flirting as a wrong, or disrespectful, or cheating while in a relaitonship (while guys do). Females think flirting is just “what people do” to make life fun. Flirting to them is not necessaily the prelude to getting with somebody or not. (Not when they’re with somebody).

    Keep these in mind as you “handle” this.


    hawaiianfresh21
    Participant
    May 3, 2017 at 9:59 pm #135359

    I’m not sure. If she is with you she shouldn’t be talking to another guy. Sounds like she is keeping her options open or she is just trying to feel desirable by other men aka self esteem issues


    Kizaray
    Participant
    May 4, 2017 at 9:03 am #135353

    I didn’t add this earlier but she does have daddy step-daughter fantasies. She loves spanking and that kind of sinky shit so this from my perspective looks like her just exploring that fantasy when she had the opportunity. I highly doubt she would have gone through with it. but it is still wrong. anyways just wanted to add that.


    Kizaray
    Participant
    May 4, 2017 at 9:03 am #135357

    thanks for the insight man. yeah I have been talking to some people and I believe that it isn’t a huge deal, it hurts but shit happens. If she’s going to cheat, shes going to cheat. I just have to trust her and move forward from here. If it happens again then I’ll know I need to leave her but till then she has a second chance.


    Kizaray
    Participant
    May 4, 2017 at 9:03 am #135352

    One other thing. She does have a daddy step-daughter fantasy so I think that was the big reason why she was intrigued with the idea of it. I think it was just a fantasy which I doubt she would have actually acted out to the end.