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sammyParticipantDecember 26, 2012 at 4:11 am #19454
I have been dating my guy for nearly 2 years. We are crazy in love with thoughts of marriage in the future. HOWEVER, his mother and I are civil but I cannot seem to get close with her… My boyfriend and I both feel, it is merely because I am not “his ex girlfriend”. The reason for their break up was because she cheated on him, and his mother is fully aware of this situation. They have been broken up for FOUR years. She continually talks to her on the phone and hang out with her regardless of her sons requests.
I realize, I am in a relationship with her SON, not her. However, it is very infuriating to think I am not given a chance because of her. Especially, when I am always respectful, shower her with gifts, and been a great influence on her son. My boyfriend has talked to his mother but she claims she has no ill feelings towards me.
I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive, or if some sort of action should be taken. If so, what would be the healthiest action to take without causing any ill feelings with his mother? Please help. Thank you all!
broomhildaParticipantDecember 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm #19502
That’s really great you want to fix this instead of make it worse. I bet your bf’s mom got close to the ex because the ex didn’t have another female figure in her life to use as support. Take a look at it from a different point of view, maybe the ex is struggling to find confidence within herself and your bf’s mom is simply lending her a helping hand. Although their “friendship” has grown, I bet it’s merely a one sided thing. Maybe the mom doesn’t feel as “needed” by you because she sees how great you and the bf are on your own!
However, if you want to get closer to your bf’s mom, try to talk to her about how you feel. If you’re insecure about your relationship with her, tell her! Tell her you want to have something as special as that bond she has with the ex. Tell her you’re a bit envious and you wish to be close. I bet she’ll appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. Don’t expect her to be best friends with you but take baby steps, a friendship takes time, especially with an older woman.
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