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IamJacksSNParticipantOctober 8, 2013 at 8:35 pm #40835
Here’s the deal. I met someone online, and for 2 1/2 months we talked. Over that timeframe we really bonded (we live in different states), and talked about how we should meet up. At first we simply couldn’t due to schedules, but when the time came for us to be able to, she had second thoughts. She felt she was rushing things, so I told her I can wait, that she is worth it; she is.
After 2-3 more weeks passed, I want to say 3 weeks, a lot of my friends said that it was unfair how she wasn’t wanting to meet and I believed them. They said if she ever wants to try to see if we are compatible IRL, then she should be willing to do so now, and not make me wait. So, like an idiot I gave her an ultimatum, and said that we need to meet up for a date or I can’t do this. She was hesitant, but decided to try it out. The next day she called me and said she can’t do it, and that she’s sorry, that she can’t force herself to do it and that it’s better for her to let me go.
She told me that she felt that we are soulmates, and that she felt we “met” at a bad time in life. It broke my heart, but I let it go, and told her I would let her do her thing. She said that one day, she thought she would have the urge to try this out, but she didn’t know when.
After that my friends said all kinds of things to me, all negative, and said she didn’t care, she had been leading me on, and all other kinds of negativity. And again, broken-hearted, lonely, sad, and angry… I sent her a drunken message saying I didn’t think we were soulmates, and that she had been leading me on, and that I was a fool to think there was something. It was wrong, and I was a complete asshole. I hurt her, I know that. Even if I was right in the assumption, it was still wrong to say that to another person, and especially to someone you so deeply care about.
It has been over a month now since that event. I write music, and wrote her a piece. I have fought over the urge to send it to her, but I am hopelessly wanting contact with her, again. All I want, not even an intimate relationship, but her in my life somehow. I think about her almost everyday. Her laugh, her intelligence, ability to make me smile, things I know she would really like, all that…
I don’t know what to do, and I’m tired of involving friends that, while having good intentions, progressively nurture my dislike of how things didn’t go well for me. It’s not fair to her. Maybe it isn’t destined, but there’s a part of me that dreams of her and I being an us. What would you guys/gals do? I am finding it harder and harder to let her go completely, but I think I’ve hurt her too much for her to forgive me. I really don’t know. I am lost.
P.S. I have tried dating (no more online dating for me), and on the dates all I think about is her. Honestly, the dates have sucked, not because of the women, but because I am hopelessly wanting something that I can’t seem to have.
ilovefrogsParticipantOctober 16, 2013 at 10:47 am #41307
How is asking strangers for advice on an online forum any different than asking your friends for advice? I would say that only you know how to go about this situation and that outside interference is what you got you in the mess in the first place. If you really like her, just let her know and tell her how you really feel. If she comes back to you and is still thinking about you – then it’s meant to be. If she brushes you off and doesn’t care, then its time to move on. If she didn’t want to meet you in the first place, maybe it wasn’t meant to be from the beginning?
drummergirlParticipantOctober 16, 2013 at 7:18 pm #41343
I agree that soliciting opinions from your friends started the trouble. A relationship, be it online or not, will have a natural pace. The best policy is being honest about your feelings, and hopefully the other person is as well. If you have such strong feelings, reach out to her. If she reciprocates great, if not it’s time to move on.
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