Very confused

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Very confused

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Hael
    Participant
    July 16, 2017 at 6:01 am #142280
    Very confused

    OK … this coworker we been seeing each other for some time. In one date I kissed her(she is older) after that I requested to spend a night cause I was tired. I spend the night but did nothing. This week I spend the night again. And she offered me wine and drank with me. When I went for the kiss she let me then push me away telling me to stop. Then we talked about or past relationships and how I thought that if she said she MOMENTARILY does n`t want a relation maybe she wants an affair or friends with benefits, to which she said I taught wrong. After that we each wen to their respective rooms to sleep. After 2 mins I got up and went to her room and asked her if she is saying no to sex now or forever? She kept avoiding the answer and I laid next to her and tried a kiss again and after some time she stopped me again then I proceeded to kiss her back and neck she kept telling me to go to sleep but never really stopped me and. Am I in friend zone or what zone ? Testing zone?

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Hael.

    Hael
    Participant
    July 16, 2017 at 6:01 am #142281

    P.S. I want something serious, but if she said MOMENTARILY she doesnt want this (I capitalized the word because she specifically said that) I tough maybe I could at least get physical. I mean there was a reason for the wine and a reason why she didnt just pushed me away and said a categorical NO for me sleeping next to her. Normally I should just let her go. But I do really have a crush on this one. I asked her in that night if she doesnt like the fact that i`m kissing her and she said she does and smiled.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Hael.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Hael.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Hael.

    evn95
    Participant
    July 18, 2017 at 9:02 am #142364

    Try backing off and see what she does, if she’s into you she’ll pursue you and if she doesn’t then that means she doesn’t want to be with you in that way. She did say she wasn’t looking for a relationship or a friend with benefis

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    July 18, 2017 at 12:58 pm #142482

    dfeifnitely back off. somethign happened that made her uncomfy and it could be a million things. you obviously don’t know her enough or paid attention enough to figure that out.

    Also, you handled the situation by emphasizing sex and only being focus on your need for sex – that damaged the situation even worse is my guess.

    back off.. let her have some time.. then ask her how she’s doing and se what she says. LAY OFF the need to talk and ask and beg for sex or push for sex a while UNTIL you figure out what happened. Then we can analyze it from there.


    Hael
    Participant
    July 19, 2017 at 9:14 am #142458

    I tried this a bunch of times. She usually does nothing. But after a while she contacts me discreetly and after that I go again into chasing her …. She said she didn`t look for a relationship AT THIS MOMENT.


    Hael
    Participant
    July 19, 2017 at 9:15 am #142512

    You are right maybe, But she plays it very confusing. It is hard for me to read her because she beeing a colleague. I still need to return a small favor to her (a fridge magnet cause she got me one also) I might go to her when she is at work leave it there and walk away.


    Hael
    Participant
    July 19, 2017 at 9:16 am #142513

    It is difficult to read her cause she is a colleague. I tried going for sex cause I thought that is what she wanted. I can still do a small gesture. She got me a thing and I said i`d return the favor. I have the thing and maybe could leave it on her desk maybe before she gets to work or when she is there and walk away?


    treasoure
    Participant
    July 19, 2017 at 2:05 pm #142684

    Look, if you really like this woman, you should slow things down and try follow her lead as she obviously doesn’t want to get too close too fast, or she doesn’t like you in that way. I don’t believe in the friendzone and I would say that it’s possible that she isn’t attracted to you in that way, and that she has now realized that.


    Freebird
    Participant
    July 21, 2017 at 11:38 am #142883

    I hate to say but I feel like this girl is lonely and just wants to feel wanted. It has nothing to do with sex or or anything physical, she simply wants that specific attention. Girlfriend sounds like she is dealing with some insecurities, or she has a man who doesn’t make her feel wanted.


    john3163
    Participant
    July 21, 2017 at 10:47 pm #142930
    Reply To: Very confused

    good luck


    Hael
    Participant
    July 22, 2017 at 4:24 am #142935
    Reply To: Very confused

    We met yesterday at work for a cup of coffee. The body language seems to point to good things. The discussions were ok-ish. I will try to aboard her maybe slowly but I cant give up now. Just cant I fell I must do this even if it will not end very good. When you have a crush on someone it`s hard to give up easily.


    Hael
    Participant
    July 26, 2017 at 10:13 am #143243
    Reply To: Very confused

    Well. For the first time ever she contacted me first yesterday, asking how i’m doing and how I am. It was strange I then proceeded to ask her the same and said in general she is ok but she gets bored from time to time. And then I said let`s do something together and then she said that she doesn’t know when because one weekend she leaves one weekend she is here. So basically she has 2 hours free in between work and sport. And I live roughly 40 km away. Should I try to self invite again over a night ?

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by  Hael.

    hoops55
    Participant
    July 27, 2017 at 12:01 am #143380
    Reply To: Very confused

    I would ignore. If you don’t give her the time of day every when she asks you to hang out then maybe when you finally say okay. After maybe like a couple days of ignoring her she will be more honest and open about what she wants because she thinks you’ll go away for another week or two.


    sinto1
    Participant
    July 27, 2017 at 5:21 pm #143433
    Reply To: Very confused

    I think she is in this phase where she just wants to be wanted. I would distance myself for a good amount of time. Make the occasional inside joke or something then go away, come back, repeat.


    ConfusedLad
    Participant
    July 28, 2017 at 9:40 am #143492
    Reply To: Very confused

    I say back off for a bit. that much of a negative reaction doenst bode well if you pursue aggressively. you will come off as needy or too agressive. IF she likes you she will invite you over. i would talk to other women and maybe tell her youre busy one of the nights she invites you over. Do NOT relegate yourself to the friends zone if you are wanting more. it will just be more pain for you

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