What about his wife?

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What about his wife?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    cat
    Participant
    December 29, 2015 at 2:15 am #90635
    What about his wife?

    I am nearly 50 and dating a 66 year old man who I adore. He is perfect. We have been seeing each other for just 3 months now, usually twice/week. We laugh a lot when we are together. I have one concern, however…he never mentions his deceased wife. Ever. If I ask a direct question, he will say something like “She passed away, you know. Lets just focus on the here and now.” I have no idea if their union was a happy one, no idea how long they were married (there is a 30 year old son though), or how she died. Zero details. Not even her first name. I also don’t know WHEN she died, which makes me wonder if I am a rebound girl for him. It doesn’t feel that way–I don’t get the impression that I am filling a void in an unhealthy way, that he is with me just to avoid being alone, etc. It feels like a healthy relationship. Should I be concerned? I considered asking one of our mutual friends but I want the info to come from him–I don’t want to discuss his wife behind his back.


    cat
    Participant
    January 5, 2016 at 8:57 am #90965

    No one has any thoughts? Nothing?


    cat
    Participant
    January 12, 2016 at 3:39 am #91442

    Can anyone help?


    Brook
    Participant
    January 12, 2016 at 11:24 am #91444

    It obviously bothers you and I think the best way to go about it will be the direct way. You are right when you said you wanted to hear from him directly. It wont feel right to him if he hears you have been snooping around. So I suggest that after both of you have a good laugh and feel cozy. Start by telling him that you have something that has been bothering you. And he is the only one who can help you out. When he asks…. Let him know you would like to know a bit about his past, particularly. If he is not comfortable with speaking about it, tell him you would let it rest. If he says so really let it go…He will tell you when he is ready. She is dead and there is no use bringing memories back. You got his attention and its great. Live in the now, not the past.


    xxlucasdxx
    Participant
    January 12, 2016 at 6:28 pm #91459

    Think of it from his point of view. It may be very painful for him to talk about. He may have made peace with it and doesn’t want to dwell on it anymore.

    laura
    laura
    Participant
    February 10, 2016 at 3:50 pm #93298

    My situation is the opposite. I am dating a man, for over 6 years, who is a widower. His wife died suddenly, which I realize is a shock and ruined the retirement plans they had. He also lost a daughter at the age of 16, which is another blow he suffered. I am at a spot where I feel our relationship is stagnant. He will say that I have baggage and we can’t move any further at this point. My baggage is my home and my 27 year-old son, who is going to college, and lives with me. I refuse to sell my home without a commitment. When I do, I will be in a position to help my son out with rent until he gets his career going. My bf is retired and goes to Fla. a lot, he has a condo there. I don’t think he wants to move on and have a second relationship with me. He had that already. I feel like someone he hangs out with on Sat.nights and Sunday. I wish he would let the past be and move on with me; we enjoy each others’ company and love each other. He is good to me, but I feel lonely and want more.

    djames
    djames
    Participant
    February 17, 2016 at 8:13 pm #93819

    Men can be very cold about the past. Often they want to trek forward to erase the pain that comes with looking back. My current girlfriend is always curious about my old relationship because we were very adventurous (travelers) and publicized it on social media channels, but I prefer to not look back because 1.) they are beautiful memories that I miss despite being happy with my current SO and 2.) it creates unrest in my mind because it lays the groundwork for conflicting thoughts.