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XDoubleXEdgedXParticipantOctober 4, 2013 at 2:20 pm #40631
I’ll explain this to the best of my abilities:
I am a Junior at college. I met a freshman girl a couple weeks ago and we became fast friends. We have a lot in common; we’re both wrestlers, artists, nerds, ADHD. We make each other laugh and we enjoy each other’s company. Last Sunday, I thought I’d take a chance and ask her out. While hanging out that afternoon, we talked a little about our personal lives and one of the things she brought up was the last guy she was with. She and this other guy had dated for two years prior to going away for college. They are currently taking a break as she is in NorCal and he is at Cal Poly.
That night I asked her out anyway. Here are my words exactly “I was planning to ask you out but I know earlier you said you’re not really looking for anybody — and I totally understand if you still have feelings for the last guy you were with. But if you feel you’re ready or you want to, I’d like to take you out sometime.”
She smiled and said that she respects me and that she trusts the other guy will not date someone else and wants to remain faithful to him. So we decided to remain friends and hugged it out.
Now, I don’t know this other guy so I can’t safely assume anything will change between them. I am trying to keep such expectations to zero. Sure, I hope things change, but I’d rather this guy be a good person than be a scumbag and make her miserable, even if it would work to my advantage. Best case scenario, they break it off on good terms with no hard feelings. I can tell that she likes me but is obligated to stay committed to this guy even when they’re not technically together. I can respect that.
I am grateful for what I have with her now and I value our friendship, but I’ve been thinking a lot — something I have trouble controlling (ADHD). I wonder which one of them proposed the break. I wonder what the chances are of them staying together. I wonder what the purpose is for the break; I’ve seen couples that stay together and stay in contact regularly with no sign of them potentially splitting up. And several other questions. I’m just curious.
It’s not like I’m losing myself over this or anything, I can still perform my daily tasks functionally. These are just little questions that pop up in the back of my mind every now and again. I try to push back any thoughts that could give me false hope. My roommate is a good source of support. The idea of finding someone else or someone better is very easily conceivable, but I see it as “a bird in the hand is worth two in a bush” kind of thing. I am keeping my eyes open to other people, though meeting new people is often hard for me. Though I would not hesitate to go for it again if they break it off.
I’ve recently talked it over with my roommates and friends and they tell me that basically what “taking a break” is is breaking up but not having the guts to actually say it and/or breaking up but keeping her in his back pocket. That is, if it was him that suggested the break. They tell me that I should try to break it to her, but only if she brings it up. I’m also thinking about talking with one my wrestling teammates about it, because he’s known her since childhood and is like a brother to her.
I just want to hear what you people have to say about my situation. What do you think the chances are of things turning to my favor? How well do you think I’m handling it? What should I do from here? What advice can you give me?
Nervous4lifeParticipantOctober 8, 2013 at 4:11 am #40762
How’s it going 4 days later? Good job having the guts to go for it. Sounds like your doing and saying all the right things. You might just have to keep having fun with her and waiting it out..leaving options open on the side just like your doing.
Doesn’t sound like a situation you have much control over. I hope it works out she sounds like a good girl. Keep us updated.
MindFreakParticipantOctober 16, 2013 at 5:46 pm #41338
I think you have a pretty great chance! You said all the right things in my opinion and obviously are confident in yourself. Best of luck to you!
Annde73ParticipantOctober 21, 2013 at 9:09 pm #41562
You sound like such a sweet guy and incredibly considerate. For unsure college girls (especially freshmen who think they have the world at their fingertips and oodles of time to be 18 – like I was several moons ago), don’t hold your breath and certainly keep going about your daily life. Maybe if she sees that, it’ll motivate her to pick up some slack. Good luck! 🙂
Econome31ParticipantOctober 22, 2013 at 9:02 pm #41690
It sounds like you are doing very well in handling the situation. Keep being a good friend to her, and gently continue to show her you have feelings. If it is meant to be, it will happen between you two.
geekywriter63ParticipantNovember 15, 2013 at 9:18 pm #42949
Definitely talk to the guy who has known her a long time. When females are good friends with males for years and years, they unload (I was deep in the friend zone in college.) She might even be asking him if he knows anything about you.
cookiesncreamParticipantNovember 18, 2013 at 12:56 pm #42991
Your chances are nothing until she gets over this guy, then your chances are very good.
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