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Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE accessJanuary 2, 2014 at 8:24 pm #45675
I have had the worst luck in relationships and it has made me depressed and paranoid that another man will hurt/disappoint me again. I have been nothing but a good girlfriend and have always been loyal, forgiving, supportive and open. I have never given any of them any reason why they should dump me or end the relationship. My longest relationship was 6 months and I have lost 2 loves out of the 5 guys I have been in relationships with. I see other women mistreat their man and take advantage of them. I have never been like that with any of my exs nor have I ever lashed out on them even during that time of the month. I am confused as to how to move on and be in a long term relationship that is serious. What do guys want ? and what am I doing wrong ? Also how can I avoid the assholes ? I really need help
brayden_95ParticipantJanuary 3, 2014 at 10:02 am #45679
What men really want is someone to love and be loved by. Maybe you havent been talking to the guys who actually want a real, serious relationship, but rather guys who just want a girl for a little while. If you want to try and find someone again, try to take things slowly and wait for him to mention stuff about deep feelings. Having said that, dont wait too long on it, because then the relationship could be dragged out.January 3, 2014 at 3:54 pm #45773
Thank you and its funny because I have always been there for them no matter what without judgment I just don’t understand what else I am doing wrong. I have always loved them through the little things I did. Oh well I guess
Ermac_camrEParticipantJanuary 3, 2014 at 6:18 pm #45786
Sometimes I think being “too nice” actually goes against the nice person. I’m often in the same position- women state that they want a kind guy, but then I’m “too sweet.” I agree with brayden_95, it’s really just about finding a man that wants a serious relationship. They are harder to find, but don’t get discouraged. You’re very pretty and obviously very kind, so the problem isn’t with you. You just have to find a better guy.
Crescendo63ParticipantJanuary 3, 2014 at 7:21 pm #45792
First, a bit of perspective.
– You didn’t have “the worst luck in relationships”.
If you had, you’d be dead now. 😉
You have been disappointed and dumped; that happens to mostly anyone, so deal with it. Life sometimes sucks, and shit happens – to anybody.
– Will another man hurt/disappoint you again?
Most likely, sooner or later. After all, they’re only human.
Do you believe you’ll never hurt or disappoint your partner? What are you, God? 😀
Now, what are you doing wrong?
I’m not a magician so I don’t know, but I suspect you have low self-esteem.
If I’m right, you may choose jerks (because, deep down, you don’t believe you deserve better), and you behave meekly to “win” their love – but that doesn’t work.
Being a “doormat” doesn’t win love, it makes people walk all over you.
Basically, people treat us the way we allow them to – or the way we believe we deserve.
If someone disrespects me, I just walk away – end of story. Do you?
Change always starts inside. Know yourself and grow.
lordyboyParticipantJanuary 4, 2014 at 3:28 pm #45820
Men and women are basically the same in what they want – to love and be loved. What most people rarely take the time to think about though is: what keeps me interested in other people?
We are, after all, creatures of habit. We have ‘default’ patterns of behaviour. When you’re on your own and you feel yourself slipping into a rut, it’s very easy to choose a new course and set a new path. When you’re with a person and you find yourself in a rut, it’s much more difficult to address the problems for all sorts of reasons.
Boredom kills relationships like no other factor:
Being too consistent
Being too available
Being too agreeable for the sake of an easy life
‘Losing yourself’ – becoming co-dependent as opposed to interdependent
Closing your social circles and forgetting to have a life of your own, as well as together
All of this ultimately leads to people taking you for granted. Avoiding these pit falls leads to more respect for yourself and more respect from others 🙂
ShotsFiredParticipantJanuary 4, 2014 at 4:06 pm #45824
Long-lasting relationships are all about “giving and taking”. Sure, you can get spoiled one weekend by your SO, but the next weekend you better damn well repay the favor. Ask yourself, “Am I giving too much and receiving too little?” This may be the problem. It seems you are sort of desperate for a strong companion and a long-lasting relationship which may make you more eager to do so.
ralosParticipantJanuary 6, 2014 at 1:52 pm #45843
Men want a down to earth chilll girl who can hang with the boys, not be too needy, and just awesome!
NoLifeDGenerateParticipantJanuary 15, 2014 at 1:32 pm #46014
You sound perfect to me. Of course, I’m always the friend and never the lover. At least you’re trying.
dafrasParticipantJanuary 16, 2014 at 1:05 pm #46049
Some men want love, some men want sex. Sometimes they may just not feel like a person is the one and feels the need to end it. Maybe you just havent found the right one yet.
HammerheadParticipantJanuary 16, 2014 at 2:07 pm #46055
This is the list I made for things I look for in a woman. Obviously it will be different for every man (and I’m pretty sure not every man makes a list… but how can you GET what you want if you don’t KNOW what you want). It’s pretty specific, but hopefully it helps.
– Education / Intelligence
– Honest / Genuine (May take some time to discover)
– Positive attitude / Finds things to be thankful for
– Setting herself up for success / Working or going to school
– Exercises (showsdiscipline)
– Organized (as opposed to messy)
– Observant and unselfish / Does nice things unconditionally
– Can keep herself busy / Has some kind of hobby
– Shows initiative / Takes advantage of opportunities
– Enjoys outdoor activity
– Active reader
– Shows some financial responsibility
– Plans out her day / uses time wisely (we only have so much)
– Enjoys/appreciates cooking
– Likes sushi
– Enjoys a tropical setting
– Naturally beautiful / Not too high maintenance
HammerheadParticipantJanuary 17, 2014 at 7:50 pm #46131
wrote:You sound perfect to me. Of course, I’m always the friend and never the lover. At least you’re trying.
ya u and me both. hopefully one day things will change
Use positive self-talk! I am not so good, but always trying to seek help and get better. And I keep a journal to remember where started (with any new skill) and how far I have come… Seeing this is such a big motivation for me!April 7, 2014 at 6:34 pm #45790
Thank you Ermac_camrE. I have had so many fails the last guy I was dating was perfect almost up until he decided to string me along and find himself in a relationship ith his friend who happened to be a girl. The sad thing was that he wanted us to be monogamous and I was and ended up getting burned in the end. Its stuff like that makes it hard for me and discouraged. All of my friends and even just awkward people around me are all in relationships and I am where I have always been single and alone. Is there anything that I could improve on or anything that I should do? because at this point I feel closed off
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