What do you look for?

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What do you look for?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 5, 2015 at 11:28 pm #69940
    What do you look for?

    Okay, I was hoping to get the opinion of women on this topic. Just out of curiosity since I am and have been a single man for pretty much all 23 years of my existence. What exactly do you look for in a man/partner? Some possible things to consider are:
    *Looks
    *Personality
    *Sexual Experience
    *Hobbies
    *Style
    *Age Requirements/Limitations
    *Money

    Any advice on these would be a great deal of help for me trying to figure out what’s important and how to find the right one!

    Roxy
    Roxy
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 3:12 am #69942

    Hi, I am also 23 so ill tell you what i look for:

    *looks: not hugely important but needs to be an attraction.
    *personality: this is a big one for me, has to make me laugh and not be completely uptight and boring.(honesty is very important too )
    *sexual experience: not so much sexual experience as sexual chemistry.
    *Hobbies: not necessary to be honest but don’t mind either way if he has hobbies.
    *style: again not hugely important but I like a man who dresses well.
    *age: same age or older, but that is to do with my age as guys younger than me can be a bit immature not all but a huge proportion. As for for much older they can be, I would be comfortable with a 10 year age gap no more than that though.
    *money: just as once as the guy isn’t getting me to pay for everything and pays his way I don’t mind.

    Just keep in mind these are for me and other people may have completely different views. I would also be interested to know your take.

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 10:32 am #69955

    For me, here’s what I look for:
    Looks: Important (need myself to be attracted to the person, otherwise I just can’t commit myself fully)
    Personality: Have to be able to connect and understand my sense of humor.
    Sexual Experience: None to minimal partner (s)
    Hobbies: NOT a partier. Want somebody who enjoys pretty simple things (watching television, hanging out with a few close friends, etc.)
    Style: Not a fashion freak, but not a slob lol
    Age: My age or younger. I’ve always had a weird thing about dating people older than myself.
    Money: Preferable not dead broke so I don’t have to pay for everything (a first date or two, of course, I understand I’d pay for most everything)

    Those are what I sort of look for. Maybe I’m being picky? I just don’t want to do a relationship without being fully committed and these things help me want to be committed.

    Roxy
    Roxy
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 1:21 pm #69960

    No I don’t think your being picky your being honest. No point being with someone when it doesn’t fit. I sometimes find myself growing attracted to some people who may not fit the criteria I want so I am willing to be a bit more lenient and relaxed about it these days. The guy I’m dating at the moment is completely different to most guys I’ve dated previously, he’s genuinely a nice guy and most the other guys were a**holes ha. I think if I sticked with my picky ways when I was younger I wouldn’t be dating him now.


    elena_j1988
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 2:00 pm #69961

    Obviously every woman is different, we all need different kinds of support from our men and look for different things in our relationships. But personally I look for these traits.
    I’m definitely a face person in regards to looks. I think looks don’t matter as much to women though, many times I have found men more attractive as I’ve gotten to know them.
    Many women will probably tell you humor is important to them. A guy that can make me laugh and who has a similar sense of humor to me is crucial. I like if I can be goofy around someone and feel like they’d appreciate it, and vice versa.
    Sexual experience is somewhat important, but honestly as long as my partner is open to trying things it doesn’t matter.
    Hobbies vary for every person, as long as we can find something we both enjoy doing it doesn’t matter.
    Style doesn’t matter that much either, as long as an effort is made.
    I don’t date men younger then me.
    As long as they can be financially independent money doesn’t matter.


    FreeSpirit2015
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 6:25 pm #69987

    I don’t know whether I’m a rare case but for me I find it to be problematic to focus on a tick-box approach to dating. I like to consider each guy as an individual and try to make sure I give each one a fair chance for something to develop, even if on the surface we don’t seem to have a lot in common. Each woman is very individual in what she looks for, as a rule, such is subjectivity of human nature. Some might focus on the more superficial aspects of a man’s profile, while others want somebody they have a lot of common ground with in order to establish a true connection. Also, a guy one woman may find attractive, another may not find him to be physically appealing. What I would say, from being a women myself and having many female friends, is that confidence and sense of humour are often very important attributes a man can showcase. I think many women will agree with me when I say that a man who comes across as being self-assured and a little light-hearted is always a winner.

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 6, 2015 at 10:52 pm #70001

    I love all of the great feedback ladies! I think the biggest thing I struggle with is my overall confidence and being able to control a conversation. I’m a very kind but shy person. I’ve only been on 3 dates before with the same girl whom I worked with, and I did muster up enough courage to ask another one out (to which I was rudely shot down). I think since those haven’t worked, my overall confidence in talking to women is pretty poor. It’s just like “What can I say?” The things I look for can limit me at times, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. If I know that somebody isn’t good for me, why should I waste my own time and theirs? It can be so darn tough.

    HVW_Mark
    HVW_Mark
    Participant
    January 7, 2015 at 12:54 am #70005

    Hey Dmj, I’m a guy, so I hope you don’t mind me putting some thoughts through on this thread. If not you can just ignore..

    I was a really shy guy growing up, and so can really identify where you’re coming from. I had to really smash my comfort zone for many years before i grew comfortable being able to meet the women I wanted when I wanted too.

    The girls have given you some fantastic advice here, there’s one big one that a few have alluded too but only freespirit actually mentioned, and thats CONFIDENCE!! (sidenote** not arrogance)

    A guy who’s confident will be able to meet the women he wishes to meet and choose one with the traits he desires. I tried to write a longer reply but ran out of char’s, so basically I would say this. Don’t focus too much on what women want right now, focus on how to be your best self. Put yourself out of your comfort zone, have a ton of conversations, have some sex, build some confidence. At that point you can be more selective about who you are meeting.


    FreeSpirit2015
    Participant
    January 7, 2015 at 8:51 am #70012

    While confidence is desirable, a good woman will see through your shyness and like you for who you are – as much of a cliche as that is! I wouldn’t be deterred from going out with a shy guy at all, and I think other women who are worthy of your time would feel the same. Try not to be put off by your experience of rejection, and work on increasing your confidence by going out of your way to do things which take you out of your comfort zone.

    The fact that you are able to ask a girl out in the first place reflects that you must have a certain degree of confidence; it takes a lot of guts for anyone to ask another person out, let alone someone who is shy. Build on that and continue to go on dates. It sounds like you are suffering from a low self-esteem and this may be coming across on a date. It may be beneficial to try to work on this in itself – as they say, until you love yourself, it’s difficult for someone to love you. Once you do find someone, your confidence should increase!

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 7, 2015 at 3:21 pm #70059
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    You all have had amazing advice! I was curious about the whole aspect of being shy, since that is my biggest issue I believe. It’s the little nuances of a conversation in a relationship that I struggle with the most, and I was wondering about how I can work on that. I don’t really know what to say a lot of times, since a lot of times I feel like I don’t live a very adventurous or exciting life. Some of my friends are always talking about the crazy things that go on with them, but a lot of times I don’t have a lot to say. I feel like this leads to my sometimes low self-esteem and struggle with coming across as confident. Thanks again for all the advice and keep it coming please!

    Roxy
    Roxy
    Participant
    January 7, 2015 at 4:14 pm #70066
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    Honestly I don’t mind when a guy is shy just so long as they do eventually relax around me. I tend to find myself attracted more to shy guys and like the challenge. As for conversations just relax and use it as a time to get to know someone. I used to be painfully shy when I was about 15 and started joining clubs and different after school stuff to get myself out of it and it worked. You don’t have to have an adventurous lifestyle to keep a girls attention just try and not take things too serious and have a laugh:) As for self esteem, your as good as anyone your speaking to and don’t try and tell yourself any different. Qualities of a gentleman are what I like the most.

    HVW_Mark
    HVW_Mark
    Participant
    January 7, 2015 at 10:46 pm #70112
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    Really look at working on your own life, dmj. Take up new hobbies and interests, do dancing, acrobatics, rock climbing, something to get good at, give you some confidence and help with convo topics

    dmj106
    dmj106
    Participant
    January 9, 2015 at 12:59 am #70161
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    I always hear that phrase “you need to branch out and get out of your comfort zone”. I HATE this phrase because by doing this, I feel like I’m not showing my true self. I know what I like and what I don’t, so if I start doing things that I’m not comfortable with and I don’t enjoy doing, I’m changing who I am in a big way. I really appreciate all of the good advice once again!


    MrJovial
    Participant
    January 9, 2015 at 6:15 pm #70244
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    I mostly just look for a woman who likes me and I like her back. Not somebody who’s dating me because she’s afraid to be alone.

    HVW_Mark
    HVW_Mark
    Participant
    January 10, 2015 at 7:26 am #70263
    Reply To: What do you look for?

    I always hear that phrase “you need to branch out and get out of your comfort zone”. I HATE this phrase because by doing this, I feel like I’m not showing my true self. I know what I like and what I don’t, so if I start doing things that I’m not comfortable with and I don’t enjoy doing, I’m changing who I am in a big way. I really appreciate all of the good advice once again!

    You asked for the advice. If you’re more comfortable sitting in your safe zone, you’re gonna have a hard time in life getting what you want. Not just with women but in general. You’ll have to take what you can get rather than choose it.

    Women want risk takers, women want ballsy. Women want a guy who can pick them up, ask them out, make them laugh, fuck them all night, meet their friends, grow personally and professionally and take chances in life in succeed. If these things are outside your comfort zone, you’re always going to struggle. I know because I was that guy once. Change is good mate

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