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I’ve never been in this situation before and I’ve dated a lot.
I’m 45 and have been dating a 39-year old single-mother of an 11 year old boy. I have a 5-year old boy myself.
We were dating for almost 4 months and it was up and down. We broke it off 2-3 times. This most recent time she said she thinks it’s time to call things off for good. She said she can’t see a future with me. Here is what is confusing:
– The weekend before, we had Date Night, it was a fantastic day and evening. We went shopping, she asked me to pick out clothes that I liked (which I did). She was smiling ear to ear, very happy, very affectionate and beaming. We went out to a nightclub after, had drinks laughed, kissed, she was leaning up against me all night there, wanted multiple selfies of us, etc. She stayed off, we had sex that night and the following morning. It was a great Date Night. <Continued in next post>March 3, 2017 at 3:14 pm #129017
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Everything seemed fine but around Monday she started texting me a couple of times over the course of the next few days asking me things like “is everything ok?” and I was bewildered because my behavior had not changed in any way nor did I think hers had. So I replied back “Yeah babe, everything is fine. Why?” and she said she just wanted to make sure everything was OK between us. I assured her it was on my end and she replied back that everything was ok on her end. I found that odd. The only thing I could think of was she had a guilty conscience about something and wondered if I found something out?
So over the course of that week I noticed our texting had slowed down and she would take longer replying to texts during the day and evening. She asked me to come over on a Tuesday and I did and she seemed affectionate, laying on me on the couch while we were watching TV, I stayed the night, etc. <Continued in next post>
richiroParticipantMarch 3, 2017 at 6:09 pm #129069
let me guess that was the first time you had sex?
if so it sounds like she’s going thru the classic female trigger, “omg.. i had sex with him.. he’s going to leave me now” and it has nothing to do with what youer’ doing. this is just the #1 fear of females and why they (typicaly) want to hold off on sex as longa s they can. they hae been convinced that men just want sex and leave after they get it. *shaes head* (the real reason ladies. is that you start acting CRAZY after sex just like this and THAT’S what drives us away.. if you never chnaged after sex.. we wouldn’t leave!)
So.. that’s what’s going on here.
So she’s going to need a little reassurance, maybe an extra dose of “i ain’t going anywhere” type responses (yo know.the kind of lines you hearin a movie they love lol)… and once she’s feeling reassured.. she’ll start slipping back to normal. its possible she won’t and that’s when we have to decide how much we’re willing to put up with.March 6, 2017 at 9:52 am #129018
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Note: She has full custody of her son and he is with her 100% of the time. The father lives out of state. She’s been divorced for 5 years. She son likes me, he’s friendly and vice versa, etc.
So at bedtime Tuesday, she says she’s really tired, so we get in bed and go to sleep w/o any intimacy but she cuddles with me all night. The next morning, she asks if I want coffee, everything seems fine. I kiss her goodbye and I go to work and she gets ready to go to work.
I start noticing more that the texting is less during the day and evening and longer time replying between texts. Finally I ask her about it and mention that we haven’t really talked much and that our texting seems off and I asked if she was ok. She said she didn’t notice it and that everything was fine.
<continued in next post>March 6, 2017 at 9:52 am #129019
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Note: During these last 2-3 weeks she’s been saying becuase of our up and down in the past, she wants to move slow and doesn’t want to label us, but that she’s not seeing anyone, not interested in anyone else and just wants to move slow and see where things go.
So on Thursday of that week I ask her what her weekend plans are and she says she had none. “You know me, I’m always last-minute with everything and rarely make plans.” which for some reason I found odd, but whatever. I asked her if she wanted to do something that Saturday and she said “yes” almost immediately. Later that day we were talking about plans and it was to go out to a restaurant / arcade / bar type thing that was kid-friendly. She has always had a policy of not letting her son know I stay all night. She said she doesn’t want him to know I sleep in her bed, etc. So I always have to get up before he wakes up, etc. <continued in next post>March 6, 2017 at 9:52 am #129020
We went to bed, she was tired, so no intimacy but she cuddled me all night. Asked me if I wanted coffee the next morning, etc. Everything seemed fine.
During the week / work day I noticed again the texting wasn’t as frequent and replies from her took longer. Same thing for in the evening. So I finally mentioned it to her and asked her if everything was ok with her and she said yes. I explained about I felt we weren’t talking as much.
Note: Throughout the course of the relationship I mentioned that seeing each other only once a week wasn’t idea for me and she agreed. She has two dogs and her son full time so it’s hard for her to get away.
Anyway, I asked her what her weekend plans were on Thursday of that week and she said “You know me, I am always last-minute and don’t make plans ahead of time. I have no plans.” So I asked if she wanted to do something Saturday and she texted “yes” back immediately.
<continued>March 6, 2017 at 9:52 am #129073
No, we’ve been dating for almost 4 months and have had sex many times.
I didn’t get to finish my post because of the character limit. This site is kind of frustrating. Is there a way to make a longer post?
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