What does he really want?

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What does he really want?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    rbrewer
    Participant
    January 14, 2015 at 9:04 am #70555
    What does he really want?

    My boyfriend and I recently broke up. He has a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We still live together because he doesn’t want me to move out. He still tells me he loves me. He still wants to sleep in the same room, even though we have a spare bedroom. We are semi-intimate, but not too much. We still kiss and hug, but nothing to serious. He tells me every night that he doesn’t want to let me go because he still loves me and wants us to work. Then last night he looked at me and said he doesn’t want to be together because I’m not ready on a mother level. Then following that by saying he still doesn’t want me to go. What does this all mean? Should I stay or go? Because its tearing me up by not knowing what/how to feel. Any advice?

    Roxy
    Roxy
    Participant
    January 15, 2015 at 10:53 am #70698

    That’s very unreasonable of him. Having your cake and eating it comes to mind. If your not ready on a mother level as he says why does he want to continue you both sleeping in the same bed and still sharing kisses and hugs with you. He’s not wanting to give you guys a title and be single all while still having you close by. I would say you should leave. Harsh but true. You deserve better than those kind of mind games and mixed signals.


    jmack189
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 2:40 am #71225

    I would have to agree with Becca, it really is NOT FAIR that he is both stringing you along and putting you down. It is time for you to find someone who will be honest and appreciate you, and help you work towards being “mother ready.”


    Scooby Rex
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 10:12 am #71234

    Wants his cake and eat it too… DEFINITELY! I understand what he is doing. He wants you around for your good points. You probably invigorate him. You are there when he needs you. You are comfortable. Change is hard.

    At the same time… he finds incompatibilities with you. Maybe he is being honest and doesn’t see you as a good mother to his son. Maybe there are many other traits that he doesn’t like but hasn’t voiced. All this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be with you. But he probably doesn’t want to be limited to just you and not being able to pursue someone that he might think is a better fit for him. This sounds like the situation that you are dealing with.

    On your side, it probably looks like he is playing games. And to some extent… he is. But he probably doesn’t know of any other way to do it if he is trying for the scenario I just stated. Heck, I wouldn’t know how else to do it either.


    Scooby Rex
    Participant
    January 19, 2015 at 10:20 am #71238

    Oh. One last thing. If you want to stay together with him I suspect the best thing you could do is leave. Leave quickly and without notice. Make sure he has a way to contact you after you leave. Either by text, phone, facebook… whatever. I would expect his first contacts to be harsh, maybe even rude. Realize that he is hurt and doesn’t know any other way to go about it. I would suggest responding to his harsh contact with kindness, sympathy and understanding. Let him know that you just need a break right now… BUT KEEP IT POSITIVE. Don’t cop out and say anything like “I just want to be friends” or something that works to kill his hopes of winning you back. Let him pursue you! I truly believe that most guys would pursue you in this situation. It may only take a couple days for you both to feel better about being with each other. It may take months. It depends on both of you.