What should I do.

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What should I do.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    AndreCaro
    AndreCaro
    Participant
    June 9, 2014 at 6:16 pm #54855
    What should I do.

    I need some help guys
    I’m going to make this story as short as I can So long story short me and my girl friend been dating for 2 years now and it has been a pretty good ,healthy relationship. But the last 2 month we been having some fights and arguments about stupid things so we decided to breakup and give each other some time. But this week she said we should start seeing other people to see what would happen. I said ok that’ fine so I went to the movies with some friends and they invited a girl for me so we talked I told her about what was going on with my relationship. we dnt kissing just been friendly. but when we were getting out of the movies my girlfriend was with her friends and she said OHH so you really going to start seeing people and I said that’ what you told me right in fact she is just a friend. and she just walked away and now she don’t answer my phone calls or even my text and she posted a picture with a guy on Facebook what should I do?

    I don’t want to lose her


    Akillis
    Participant
    June 9, 2014 at 9:16 pm #54868

    woow your girl was really confusing. I mean she is just crazy that’s all I can say. You need to read some dating books lol


    Anonymous
    June 9, 2014 at 9:57 pm #54874

    Hello AndreCaro!

    You are in a situation that so many guys have experienced! This is a tough one as the girl is saying 1 thing but then meaning another. So the guy gets blindsided and just ends up completely confused. She is playing some type of game. She is either testing you to see if you really will fight for her or she is wanting to explore herself. Either way, it is just plain HURTFUL to see someone you love with another person so quickly after a “breakup”. There is no way around that.

    My question here is that if you really do not want to lose her, why did you concede to breaking up and why did you agree to see other people? If that is not what you wanted, you needed to fight to stay together instead of being so agreeable. Maybe the truth is, you don’t want to lose her, but at the same time you also are curious as to what else is out there. That is only for you to answer as to why you agreed to something you did not want and then why would you agree to meeting another


    Anonymous
    June 9, 2014 at 10:02 pm #54875

    girl? Aside from that, you need to understand that although “technically” you were not cheating on her or replacing her, it’s how it feels. Imagine seeing her walk out with another guy “as friends”. It just plain sucks and she has to deal with the feelings of betrayal that comes with it. It is going to feel like to her like you cheated, even though you didn’t. With that being said, she also has to take responsibility for her design in all of this. She made a request and got what she wanted from you….some space and freedom. Why was she wanting that? If you guys started to fight a lot, what was the cause??? Something in her was not happy and wanted a new design. I suggest giving her some time and backing off from pursuing her for a bit. When someone is in so much pain and anger, it is hard for them to have any clear perspective on a situation or hear the other side to the story. She needs to calm down and be willing to listen at which point you can talk more about what


    Anonymous
    June 9, 2014 at 10:09 pm #54876

    really happened. If she just is not willing, then she is not willing. You cannot make her want to understand the truth. It would be time to let her go. One thing I always teach people to be aware of however, is to REALLY REALLY pay attention to how the other person handles stress. You find out what kind of person you are dealing with when the chips are down. That is one of the most important aspects to be solid and healthy if a relationship is going to be sustainable. So she is choosing to ignore you and get mad at you without taking responsibility for how she requested this design in the first place. She is playing the victim and blaming you. That is NOT a good “partner”. A good partner stays in communication, is respectful and honoring and not hurtful….a good partner takes responsibility for their contributions to the situation and talks about how to be better. She obviously is not doing any of that and who knows if you even provide the same in return, but those are


    Anonymous
    June 9, 2014 at 10:16 pm #54877

    you need to REQUIRE if you wish to have a longer term and more sustainable relationship with someone. Just some food for thought.

    Give her some space though. Maybe just send her a message saying that you are going to leave her alone. That you have tried to tell her that her perception of what happened is not correct and that you don’t know what else to do other than to just give her space. So you are going to leave her alone now and that whenever she is ready, you are more than willing to talk about what happened. And if she never gets to that point, that makes you sad but you will of course honor her choice.

    and just leave it at that. Don’t play the game. A lot of people are very passive aggressive when they get hurt, so she may just be getting you back by ignoring you knowing that it hurts you. So step out of that game and let her feel her choice to be without you. As long as you are still trying to connect, she will not feel the full capacity of the loss of you. Maybe


    Anonymous
    June 9, 2014 at 10:18 pm #54878

    that is just what she needs to realize she wants you back. Who knows! It’s all an unpredictable adventure! Good luck!

    AndreCaro
    AndreCaro
    Participant
    June 10, 2014 at 8:44 am #54887

    you use lot of psychology


    Akillis
    Participant
    June 10, 2014 at 8:44 am #54889

    she’s a good psychologist. I was in this same position not so long a go I did one-on-one coaching with some guy. I for got His name he have a book on amazon I believe is called Massive dating