What should I do

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What should I do

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    cjose
    Participant
    June 10, 2014 at 12:10 pm #54943
    What should I do

    Hi i need some tips, I been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years know she cheated on me a month ago and know she is with this new guy I’m over the breakup but i cant approach any women I just got so use to her that. It feels weird when I’m talking to some one else and i just get so shy and so nerves when I’m talking to a new girl some of my friends told me suggest me to read a book called massive dating but I wanted tips from the internet what should I do?


    Anonymous
    June 10, 2014 at 9:26 pm #55043

    Hello Cjose! I am very sorry to hear about the loss. I am quite surprised that you believe you are over the breakup already in 1 month and cheating was involved, after 5 years. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it. This, I have no doubt, is a contributing factor to why you are so afraid to talk to other girls. You haven’t even really adjusted to the idea of being single yet and you are already trying to jump on the bandwagon again. Spend some time alone!!!! Get to know who you are without her. Get to know your likes and dislikes as a single guy now. You have freedom you haven’t had in a long time, so go exploring. You only have to YOU to consider now, so enjoy the peace that can be found in that. Someone you love that cheats on you will wreak havoc on the self esteem. It is a breeding ground for fear to start to show up with every single relationship after that experience. Of course you are afraid! Of course you are nervous! You were JUST cheated on a month ago by a girl you


    Anonymous
    June 10, 2014 at 9:31 pm #55044

    spent 5 years with!!!! I know this is not quite what you asked for, but I at least wanted to put it out there that it’s a really good time to NOT DATE!!!! Be alone for awhile and recover from all that happened and then you can start dating again.

    Now to be more direct about your question, your fear about talking to other girls just simply ties to the low self esteem you have. You do not feel like you are worth choosing or that you are enough. You are putting these girls on pedestals above you that they do not deserve to be on. If you were walking around really connected to your value, then you would believe that you are a GREAT catch and that any girl would be lucky to have some experiences with you. With that kind of confidence, talking to a girl is much easier and she will sense that strength within you and your percentage of being successful with the ladies will greatly increase! There are a million books out there that offer “skills” on how to approach woman. I am


    Anonymous
    June 10, 2014 at 9:37 pm #55045

    supportive of those types of books in that they can offer some great tips and guidelines. I am NOT supportive of those books becoming your bible. My best suggestion, first and foremost, is that you learn how to just be yourself. Authenticity is so important in a first encounter. If you cannot even feel like yourself when you approach a girl, then how would she even be able to like you, if you don’t even really like you. That’s the basics….then you can build on top of that. You develop a skill set of conversation, paying attention to the signals a woman gives you and what that could possibly mean, you learn how to flirt etc. Watching movies, reading books, practicing on strangers in line at the grocery store with starting up conversations….all will help give you some confidence and help you figure out who the heck you are in this dating world. I will go back to the most important part though….you gotta like yourself first. You need to build up that confidence that you,


    Anonymous
    June 10, 2014 at 9:42 pm #55046

    are worth knowing, whether you are standing next to the most beautiful woman you have ever seen or not. Dating is about being able to stay connected to your value whether someone else chooses you or not. When you are trying to talk to girls and you feel your nervousness, you are putting your value in their hands. You are literally letting them decide whether you are good enough or not. That type of power NEVER belongs in someone else’s hands….it belongs only in yours. So that would be the first step I would suggest to take….find your confidence, find the reasons why any girls would be lucky to experience you, find that side of you that knows you are worth choosing and MAGNIFY it!!! And THEN from there, you just build on top of that all the skills of dating that will help make the process a little easier for you. Good luck!


    Anonymous
    June 11, 2014 at 7:47 am #55054

    All I can say is that be yourself, just stay cool and everything will fall into places. You can’t get any confidence from all the advice you were getting, but it is within you that should work to achieve a certain kind of perspective. You need not to be nervous, people will know if you are acting or you are being yourself, and most of the time, people will love you and accept you for who you are.

    BLawson
    BLawson
    Participant
    June 12, 2014 at 1:16 pm #55228

    cjose you need some YOU time! it’s time to get back to the things you enjoy, hang out with your buds, and take a breath. You have a lot to offer and she decided to move on so can you.

    Life is about constant progress so I’d expect better things ahead; but you need to get back feeling complete on your own (not easy after something like that i know!)


    cjose
    Participant
    June 13, 2014 at 8:43 am #55286

    Thank you guys for the support!! 🙂 I guess you guys are right I need some time alone and just get to know my self better with out been in a relationship.. I tried to talk to my friends about it but there all single meeting women so they told me to just for get about her and meet some new women And to go try this book called massive dating .. But Know i release the a new women in my life wont solve the problem.. Thank you guys this mean a lot to me sometimes I feel like a part of me is missing but like the old saying goes once you going through hell you got to keep moving