What the hell?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

What the hell?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    blondelady77
    Participant
    July 22, 2015 at 4:39 pm #83150
    What the hell?

    I just spent the last 4 months talking to a man who is in the army and was deployed. We talked almost everyday.I tried to play it cool and not press for a relationship right off, only that I didnt want to waste my time talking to him if all he wanted was a one night stand when he got back.i’m an adult, if thats all he wanted he could have just messaged me when he got back and said hey lets go out. I made it clear to him that I wanted to get to know him, be friends, and see what happened. He said he was onboard with this. Granted, we talked about sex alot, but I still made it clear to him on multiple occasions that I didnt want to have sex with him and never hear from him again. Which is exactly what happened. We met, had an amazing time, he seemed like he was really into me. Then he just ghosted. Am I wrong in thinking this was a total dick move? I never pressured him, just wanted him to be respectful. Did the 4 months of talking mean nothing? Am I just a fool who was played?


    girlinsearchof
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 4:55 am #83191

    I think he knew exactly what he was doing. I’m in no way categorizing all military men to be jerks like this, but Having had some experience with this, I’ve learned that these guys get lonely being away from family, friends, and normal life. Not all guys think rationally when a girl spills her emotions and for whatever reason, not many of them can be upfront about what they really want. I’m sorry this happened to you. Forget about him and just take it as a lesson learned. I’m sure you deserve better than that.


    everything
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 11:08 am #83202

    Well, you said I don’t want this to happen, and you let it play out as such.. Jeez.. The phone is a great way to scam people, the guy might even be married, or has several girlfriends. Hook, line, and sinkher.. So you called him back, or awaiting his call? Yes, talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words.


    blondelady77
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 11:25 am #83203

    I msg’d him once after two weeks of nothing. I was cordial and asked him straight up what happened? He gave me the “i need space” speech? WTF? I never blew up his phone, didnt go crazy. I told him he did the one thing..I asked him not to do. He said he felt ashamed, and the more ashamed he felt, the less he wanted to deal with it. I guess thats my answer right there. Told me he was out of town, and would let me know when he was back, I know he is back, havent heard shit from him. So I guess I got my answer. I just figured what person in their right mind talks to someone for 4 months just to have a one night stand? Im having trouble wrapping my brain around it. I guess I did let it happen. I really thought he was on the up and up, had a lil integrity and would act decent. Lesson learned..never fall for that again.


    everything
    Participant
    July 24, 2015 at 1:34 pm #83207

    I’m sorry, but yeah, who does that kind of thing? Narcissist? You would think he would at least talk to you again, be friends, or think he could sleep with you again. But, who knows, online and phone relationships leave plenty to hide. I’ve had exgfriends who stayed friends with me at least let me in on their new beau’s, often I could tell right away the guy was married when they had no clue. Girlfriends are often helpful for vetting. I have a FB girlfriend right now and we talk on the phone pretty regularly, two hours at a time, we both have significant others, well I do if I want, but I’m in the process of trying to leave my stalker girl. And, we just .. talk, it means nothing, she likes to talk, and it’s therapy for me since I’m an introvert, and neither of us are promiscuous anyways. If I got in my car and headed over to her place, which is about 1.5 hours away she’d probably flip out! We have our boundaries! I met a military girl once, alone with autistic child.


    blondelady77
    Participant
    July 27, 2015 at 8:21 am #83204

    After much thought…Ive realized this was probably his plan all along. I guess he is just a shitty person who leads women on for no reason. I know it probably has nothing to do with me, its all his issues. All I asked of him was to be respectful and not do exactly what he did. I was extremely foolish to trust him.I’ll never talk to someone for that long without meeting them again, and no offense to the military either..but I think I should stay away from them. This isnt the first time someone in a uniform has fucked me over in a really dirty way. Thank you for the kind words, it really does make me feel better.


    blondelady77
    Participant
    July 27, 2015 at 8:21 am #83205

    Thank you for the kind words and advice. I will put my head up and move on. His loss.


    blondelady77
    Participant
    July 27, 2015 at 8:21 am #83206

    I want to tell him what a douche he is but I know its pointless. Just a really shitty thing to do to someone who was never anything but nice to him. He used me online to pass the time and then he used me in person. I guess that shows his true character.