What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)

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What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)

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    jj
    Participant
    April 16, 2013 at 4:17 pm #28923
    What to do?! (Sorry for the repeat, new to this)

    Hi,

    So here’s the deal:

    A couple months back I met this woman at work. It was temporary – only a few months – but during this time she became very flirtatious with me, although always kept it professional. At first I dismissed it, not wanting to get involved but then I began to develop genuine feelings for her. I decided I would ask her out after our work was over, to avoid any ethical complications. About two weeks before I was going to make my big move, I found out on Facebook (spying) that she has a boyfriend AND that she became engaged a few weeks beforehand. Needless to say I was shocked and confused, but figured I would get over it. Well I didn’t…

    Even though a few months have passed, I can’t stop thinking of her – almost all day – I dream of her regularly – often waking up and staying up thinking of her. I do not know what spell has been cast on me.

    I’m a serious guy with genuine intentions – not into causal dating or hookups – not judgment just not my thing! I never envisioned myself as the type of man who would get in between a happy couple – assuming their a happy couple – just because I had feelings for someone. But I really don’t know what’s going on here…I can’t get her out of my mind! I’m wondering if I maybe fell for her…

    My question:
    I want to email her and ask her out – only because I expect she will turn me down and say she’s happily engaged and at least then (hopefully) I will get closure and can move on. Although I can see how this can easily open up a can of worms too. I just don’t understand why any person in a serious relationship – serious enough to say yes to a marriage proposal – would be flirtatious and give mixed signals to another person. Thoughts?

    Thank you for your time.

    carlycatz
    carlycatz
    Participant
    April 17, 2013 at 4:02 pm #28993

    I think you misread a few things. Well, let’s say she DID flirt with you. She batted her eyes a bit, smiled a lot and giggled to your jokes. A LOT of girls do that. Is she the only girl who you’ve had a kindergarten crush with lately?

    I think she might’ve liked the outside attention from her fiance, it’s nice to still feel attractive even if you are taken, still makes you feel pretty/wanted from other guys.

    At this point, she’s now “the girl that got away” Oi vey!! Your emotions are running extremely high for a girl you don’t even know. You’ve envisioned running away with her to a peaceful island with no worries and she’s fallen madly in love with you…reality check: she’s about to get married!!!!

    Any message you send her, although very hopeful, will probably be dismissed as a cute message. I think since she might know you’ve seen her Facebook posts that she’s engaged, she might question your motives and wonder why you would want to break up her engagement.

    Overall, I think you need to take a deep breath and leave her alone. you’re only thinking of yourself and how rewarding it may be if she shows any more interest in you.


    jj
    Participant
    April 17, 2013 at 6:47 pm #29047

    lol – thank you carlycatz. I appreciate the direct honesty – almost like you “refreshed” my brain. I am aware that many girls bat their eyes, smile, and giggle, etc, etc – and it often times may not mean much, outside of harmless flirting. I guess on some level it was more that – or maybe it just felt like more? – such as, her deliberate actions to wait around me, when there was nothing she really needed to do – almost expecting me to acknowledge her – repeatedly! And of course, the big moment where we locked eyes – and I mean really locked eyes – back and forth several times – I know I didn’t imagine that.

    But, I suppose that doesn’t change much? – thank you again for your insights.