What to think (grown man with kids)

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What to think (grown man with kids)

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    kyle81
    Participant
    December 15, 2015 at 1:07 am #90054
    What to think (grown man with kids)

    Sooo…after many years of a very rocky marriage my wife and I are getting divorce. We have two small kids to consider 2 & 4. They are my world and any future choice I make must involve them.

    I was actually excited to be single for a bit. To try and find someone after a year or two, I feel I have some healing to do.

    And here’s the twist. A new girl started at work a few days ago. We have become fast friends. I find here interesting, smart, beautiful. Problem is she has a bf of 4 years. I have not been shy about telling her how beautiful and interesting I find here. I almost feel bad I flirt so hard considering she has a bf. While she has said she loves him. She also mentions she still isn’t sure if she is ready to marry him…..

    I’m not sure how to pursue. Patient and see if they work out and miss chance with someone I could really enjoy life with.

    Be a friend and let her decide?

    Am I just still hurting from the divorce and I’m misreading kindness for flirtation?


    Confusedgirl30
    Participant
    December 18, 2015 at 7:34 pm #90312

    Wow this sounds exactly like my situation right now, however I am the girl who has recently broken up with my ex!, I don’t know what to say as I am unsure of my own situation, whether I am still hurting and they are acting as a way to deal or whether it could be something.
    Are they still together? Has she mentioned anything other than the non-marriage part bring an issue?


    kyle81
    Participant
    December 20, 2015 at 11:35 pm #90353

    She hasn’t really mentioned him much when we chat. I feel she is somewhat hesitant since he is a lot older than her. Like 14 years older. I’m much closer to her in age.

    It’s tough for me. My divorce isn’t final. I’m not looking to move right to someone else, but I can’t deny how she makes me feel.

    featherwink
    featherwink
    Participant
    December 21, 2015 at 9:01 am #90355

    I’ve been the girl in this scenario (got involved with a man in the middle of a divorce, overwhelming attraction — though I was single) and in my situation, although he thought he was ready to move on, he was nowhere near ready to move on…I thought and said as much from the outset, but he insisted he was fine and madly in love and so on, and in the end he hurt me deeply because I chose to believe him and gave him my whole heart….and, shocker, he wasn’t ready for another relationship so soon after his marriage had ended!

    I think if you’re asking the question “am I ready?”, you’re not ready. And if you really, truly care about this girl, if you have even a shadow of doubt about your ability to fully be there in a relationship with her, then you should not be pursuing one…or flirting…Obviously I don’t know you but my guess is you’ve been left feeling somehow inadequate with your marriage ending and are looking (subconsciously perhaps) for someone to make you feel good again.