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Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE accessAugust 26, 2015 at 9:38 am #84785
This is a question for the ladies, I think.
I have a friend, who I have known since 2012, who is now my best friend to me. I know her two daughters, 12 & 14, and she knows my son and daughter, 20 & 18.
We both liked each other as soon as we first saw each other.
Last June (2015), she sent me a text message saying that she saw me on a dating site and would we like to meet up? We started dating and it was great. She got a little worried that things were getting a little too serious and wanted to date as friends, though we are continuing to date just as we did before! She tells me that I am a gentleman, well dressed, lovely character, and I make her laugh.
I am very fond of her!
She tells me that physically she is okay with me but emotionally she is shy at first but then she opens up.
My question is, how do I encourage this lovely date of mine to open up to me? For example, is she worried about trusting a man again after her husband left her 5 years ago and her divorce?
singlemom1ParticipantAugust 26, 2015 at 2:26 pm #84841
Has she been single for the last 5 years? Or has she had some relationships? It’s hard to say for sure what is going on without talking to her. I would say my gut feeling is that something isn’t “clicking” for her. Maybe a head v heart conflict or the like. But it could be a fear of getting hurt-especially if she is used to being single. In any case, I would recommend being patient and understanding until the situation changes.August 27, 2015 at 7:54 am #84864
She did have one relationship after her ex but he couldn’t get intimate with her, she told me. I’m the opposite so no reasonable worries there. 🙂 She is in the very latter stages of her divorce (I have read all about dating someone divorcing) and so I am allowing for that and I have told her that I am there for her in every way, where I can and where she is comfortable with it. Her very-soon-to-be ex-husband is well out of her way as he now has another relationship which is why he left her.
I am very patient already, but question was, “How do I very gently encourage that ‘click’?” I have read on a website where I can get that feeling from her, so just to wait rather that to encourage would show no interest, I think. I might be wrong, but to gleefully see her in the same way as I have to date might not take things to the next comfortable level. We have both been hurt with our spouses and we do share a lot in common with family values, hobbies, etc.August 27, 2015 at 8:42 am #84865
Also, there are no signs from her that she is on the rebound, and ultimately, she wants a relationship, but feels that she cannot until she “opens up”. Her daughters do not yet know that we are dating, which I support because of their protection, so I want to find a way to encourage her to open up. It’s a possible stale mate, and if so, I want to overcome it. Once I have achieved that, and she is then very likely to tell her daughters, we can see each other more freely and openly, and so any love that is/could be between us can blossom! To wait “for magic to happen” surely is not an option. Love takes hard work and some emotional pain, and I am prepared to work at it to win her heart as she is worth it to me! Making her happy makes me happy.
KellyroseParticipantAugust 29, 2015 at 1:11 pm #84916
My husband left me as well, this has been 8 years ago and since that I have major trust issues. He had cheated and it was just very draining, all the lies and emotional abuse. Until today I am scared to fall in love and get hurt again.
U say she does not want to get too serious. But then she did initiate the contact. I also would love a new man on my side, and there have been some who came and wanted to marry me, but I always chicken out. I am scared if I get to serious I will not be able to handle the pain if he hurts me again, so I am simply trying to keep things light. I lost the love of my life because I could not commit…September 6, 2015 at 6:34 am #85171
Many thanks for your reply.
I think my date would like to get emotionally serious once she has “opened up”, but she is serious enough to see me as often as she can and enjoys “me” and has picked up my quirks that she says that she loves. I saw her last weekend, and when I told her nice words like, “Hello gorgeous” and, “Hello beautiful”, she doesn’t know how to take it and tries to play it down. Sure, I’m not too forward in my words, just telling her how I find her on a light level and I pick the right light moments to say them to her. Sounds as though she has self-esteem issues, which could have been borne from her previous, not quite finished, marriage.
It might be different for a woman, but my ex-wife hurt me too, massively! She cheated too in a big way and my life was turned upside down! I don’t want to be hurt again!
With all respect, “I lost the love of my life because I could not commit…”, I do not wish that for my date, with me or not, that is my point.
KellyroseParticipantSeptember 6, 2015 at 9:58 am #85174
Good Luck with everything. I did lose him although we still talk as friends, too much has happened and there simply is just no way to turn back time and start over again.
However, I did meet someone new, and I am restless but this time around I am trying to give love a chance. However this time it is him who is distant, but that is due to unforeseen family drama that just happened. Last message I got from him is that he adores me and misses me but I have not seen him in 3 weeks…
Keep us posted.
KellyroseSeptember 6, 2015 at 10:52 am #85184
I saw my date today in a garden centre as we were there separately for different reasons, though she was with one of her daughters so we were “friends”, though it was hard for me. She is just very shy & confirmed to me that it can take a few months. I have said to her that we need to find as much time together as we can so that we can pull out all the stops so that if anything is to happen, it will, especially since her soon-to-be-ex-husband is in the UK forces and that he is going abroad until the end of October 2015. She has agreed with that, though has said that her busy parents can babysit when they can. They know that their daughter is dating me. Last weekend was me cooking her dinner at her house with candle lit and sparkling wine atmosphere. She loved it and so did I. We get on very well communicatively and intimately, though perhaps cautiously & understandably so for my date.
If I’m not doing so already, how do I help her to open up to me?
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