Why is he being so distant?

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Why is he being so distant?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    kid6886
    Participant
    December 5, 2015 at 7:36 pm #89539
    Why is he being so distant?

    My boyfriend is being distant and not spending much time with me. He’s been very busy at work and has a huge job change about to happen that I know he’s stressed about. We spent the weekend together and it was great. When he was taking me home on Sunday we had a misunderstanding. I took something he said the wrong way and cursed at him. He text me the next day and said I really hurt his feelings and that he thinks he’s better off alone. After I explained and we cleared up the misunderstanding he said we were fine and that I didn’t lose him. Well now he’s being distant again. He was badly hurt in the past and I’m the first woman he’s been with since then. He’s 42 and I feel like he would tell me if he didn’t want to be with me. But I get scared he’s just hanging around not to hurt my feelings. Which could just be my paranoia. I love him and I miss him. I just want more time with him. I’m very patient and not pushy. But he’s just so distant! Will he come back around once work settles dow


    lil_bitconfused
    Participant
    December 6, 2015 at 8:24 pm #89560

    Well he does seem confused. But I would give it some time. When we have careers that are demanding sometimes it difficult to get relationships off the ground. Send him a happy cheer him up picture and ask him how he’s been. Maybe that will break the ice


    Christy_35
    Participant
    December 7, 2015 at 3:05 pm #89638

    I’m in the situation with work being super busy. I’m sure it’s not what you think it is. He’s probably just focused on work and not even realizing the misunderstanding is still on your mind. He’s probably thinking it’s resolved and moved on from it and now just focusing on work. Guys are like that 😉 Just enjoy time with your friends and let him focus on work. Maybe send him a text wishing him a good day at work or that the project is going well.


    FavoredPisces
    Participant
    December 8, 2015 at 12:55 pm #89724

    It sounds as if you have apologized for your outburst, but some men have a hard time with that. Once their feelings are hurt, it is hard for them to give fully as they had before the incident. I would follow his lead, give him the time he needs. Text or call when he texts or calls you – give him the space he needs to remember why he loves you and why he wants you over anyone else. You need to think about why you got so angry though…If you tend to be outspoken like that, maybe you need to practice other methods of reacting. Anger and outbursts, especially cursing, can be really hurtful. Maybe, get some books on how to respond when you’re upset or annoyed. Give yourself 24 hours to think about why you’re mad before acting on it. Sometimes, we’re so stressed, we react instinctively and were way off the mark… Right now, just give him room/space. If he loves you, he’ll start acting like himself. When he does communicate, don’t go over the same argument again, move on.


    jennlexii
    Participant
    December 10, 2015 at 1:11 pm #89910

    you need to show him it was just a mistake and something you said while you were upset.. although he was mature and forgave you it could still be hurting him


    LouisAP
    Participant
    December 11, 2015 at 8:34 am #89916

    If you have given him a while and you still think he is being distant, be straight up, say what’s on your mind, and ask if he still has any unresolved issues from your fight. We guys often have a hard time understanding how our actions (or inactions) are perceived by women, even those we know well. He may not have any clue he is being distant, especially if he is preoccupied with this job right now. If he cares about you, he would not want you to continue having these feelings if they are not true and he will tell you as much. If he does have some residual concerns, though, letting him know how you’re feeling and asking for his side of things will help alleviate the problem more quickly. Be prepared for whatever answer he gives, though, to avoid turning this into another battle.


    peaceandlove
    Participant
    December 11, 2015 at 1:00 pm #89960

    Definitely give him some time to think and don’t be pushy. He has been hurt in the past so it is a tricky topic for him. He knows you love him and he will come around if he really loves you too.


    kid6886
    Participant
    December 12, 2015 at 4:14 am #89983

    I think he’s definitely over what I said to him. He spent my birthday with me on Wednesday and he’s back to at least calling me everyday again. He’s just so emotionally distant too. I know he loves me and he’s told me before. But he absolutely hates saying it. He will say it back if I say it first but he looks like he’s about to choke on his words. I think he’s just so hurt from the past and I want so hard to help him get past it because I know he wants to. I also think him being so busy with work is just what he’s used to. He’s told me several times that he’s just so used to being on his own but that he’s trying.