Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2017 at 10:49 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    HufflepuffAlways02
    Participant
    July 10, 2016 at 9:57 pm #104814
    Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

    I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now, he was very affectionate in the beginning. Always kissed me hello and goodbye. etc.

    Lately things have changed and I don’t know why. Now he’s only sweet/romantic with me when he’s drinking. I feel like when he’s sober we’re just bros. he won’t even kiss me or anything anymore unless he’s has a cold one. when he’s been drinking he’s a whole other guy. He’s all over me, tells people I’m his girl, etc. I feel like he’s 2 completely different guys.

    Why is he doing this? Should I be concerned? Is he only attracted to me when he’s had a few? I tried to bring it up and all he said was “I’m sorry”

    i suspect he may not be completely over whatever happened in his last relationship, he won’t talk about it with me. He did mention a fear of getting hurt.

    Is is that all it is? He’s afraid when he’s sober? I don’t understand why he was able to be affectionate in the beginning and now he can’t. What’s changed?

    gnarboi
    gnarboi
    Participant
    July 12, 2016 at 12:39 am #104917

    I think and sorry if you are really into him but if he is only the guy u want after he has had a few then my guess is he not for you simply because when he is sober he is being who he really is and because all he said was “I’m sorry” and nothing else just gives off bad vibes like he doesn’t care. Maybe give it a little time and see what happens but if it were me I would look for someone who is who they are all of the time and not have 2 personalities.


    catpin
    Participant
    July 12, 2016 at 1:35 am #104920

    Guys are definitely less open about their feelings than women. Just because he’s not super affectionate sober doesn’t mean he isn’t really into you. My boyfriend is kind of the same way. He doesn’t drink very often but when he does, he’s alllll about me. I find it to be really flattering since the truth can tend to come out when alcohol is involved. Maybe talk to him and tell him how much you love how affectionate he is when he’s drinking and maybe he’ll take the hint.


    coldturkey
    Participant
    July 12, 2016 at 7:00 pm #105048

    The fact that he’s only affectionate to you while he’s drunk is a huge red flag!!! You need to end this toxic relationship.There are LOTS of men in the world who are affectionate and don’t have to be drunk to be that way…people who do..you need to get as far away as possible from them…

    gracefor8
    gracefor8
    Participant
    July 12, 2016 at 8:26 pm #105049

    Does he have a drinking problem? I only ask because I was with an alcoholic who would act the same way; he was like two different people.


    Love Explained
    Participant
    July 15, 2016 at 8:39 pm #105432

    Why would you want to be with someone only when they are drunk. Do you want to be drunks together?

    g-e-n-i-e
    g-e-n-i-e
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 8:54 am #105461

    esk him! sheesh


    Pazza
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 8:57 am #105532

    We all know alcohol is not necessarily a good thing in a relationship, however the fact is 99% of us come with baggage, some of which is hard to get past and for those of us that are shy or sensitive, drink is a lubricant that can help us express ourselves more honestly. They don’t call it Dutch courage for nothing.

    The question I think you need to focus on is whether he is one of these hard nuts to crack or whether he just gets his beer goggles on and is all affectionate. There is not enough evidence to assess this in your comments, so you need to pry a bit further, perhaps when he has had a couple.


    NorthSouthCasting
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 2:17 pm #105622

    He soudns really toxic, it probably has very little to do with you!


    ugh
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 3:08 pm #105642
    Reply To: Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

    It’s hard to say with the little information you’ve given. If he cant be affectionate while hes sober it’s definitely a problem. You can really only ask him about it. I feel like a mature individual would be able to give you a response without getting defensive or upset. depending on his response you should go from there. I doubt he only thinks your attractive when hes drunk there is definitely something else causing it.


    JuelzSantana
    Participant
    July 19, 2016 at 10:17 am #105751
    Reply To: Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

    How long have you two been together? A few months?

    I mean, if you were together for a few years I could understand the affection aspect dying down a bit. I’m in a similar boat but I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, so, it’s a little different. He could still be warming up to the relationship, you two are relatively new.

    Also, he could just not feel comfortable with affection. Some guys are strange like that. But, you have the right to only be involved in a relationship that satisfies both your physical and emotional needs. If I were you, I would just bring it up and be a straight shooter.

    I’d just tell him “I would like for us to be more affectionate because the physical aspect of this relationship needs help. I don’t feel you desire me, and that is something that’s important to me when I’m dating someone.”

    Your happiness matters.