Why is he wanting to move so fast after 1 date?

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Why is he wanting to move so fast after 1 date?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Anonymous
    March 19, 2016 at 11:40 pm #96097
    Why is he wanting to move so fast after 1 date?

    Back story: I was with a man 8 months ago who I was engaged and living with all within 1 year. He was emotionally/mentally abusive and very controlling. He drained me financially and now I have trust issues to not let that happen again.

    Recently I met a guy online and we talked and texted all day for a week. Up front he said he basically he likes being single so someone would have to be amazing to change that and he is looking more for friends. Cool, With me. He started talking about how I scare him cause he likes me so much and we went on our first day a couple days ago. It was really fun, we had a good connection, he is financially stable (unlike my ex) , had a son of his own, and really seems to have his life together. After the first date he was texting me being really sweet and said he wanted me to be his girl and if I would keep him. Red flags are going off after my last relationship that he wants to be in a relationship after 1 date. Am I being paranoid or is it alarming?


    Anonymous
    March 19, 2016 at 11:50 pm #96099

    Also wanted to add that he is divorced from apparently a really bad marriage fronnwhich he described to as similar to my situation where his ex wife drained their money and had actually physically abused him. He told me recently that he is kinda needy in wanting to have communication all the time and to see me whenever he can.

    I’m ok with clingy in a normal sense but not like my ex who cut me off from my friends and family and went through my phone all the time way.

    Don’t wanna pass up a good guy if I’m just puttin the flaws of my last relationship into him. At the same time don’t want put my 3 year old son through that again


    7.62×39
    Participant
    March 20, 2016 at 1:59 am #96100

    Also wanted to add that he is divorced from apparently a really bad marriage fronnwhich he described to as similar to my situation where his ex wife drained their money and had actually physically abused him. He told me recently that he is kinda needy in wanting to have communication all the time and to see me whenever he can.

    I’m ok with clingy in a normal sense but not like my ex who cut me off from my friends and family and went through my phone all the time way.

    Don’t wanna pass up a good guy if I’m just puttin the flaws of my last relationship into him. At the same time don’t want put my 3 year old son through that again

    I’d say communicate. Tell him to slow things down a bit and that he should let you come to him. Also, afterwards, just see where this goes and for now I’d just have fun with the dating process before getting all serious.


    feebers
    Participant
    March 21, 2016 at 10:26 am #96144

    You are right to be concerned i think, but sure tell him to slow down. I know its hard to be open about your fears to him, as you think you are paranoid and afraid to push him away. What i would do is I would share some of it with him, but not all. Just admit you had really bad luck before, and now you want to take things slowly. If he wont understand and will keep pushing, he might not be the right guy… if you are trying to understand him, also HE should do his best to understand YOU!
    Also, do a self-check on yourself – are you 100% sure you are not trying to find something to fill a hole, that each relationship leaves? Maybe hes not so good after all? or he might be a good guy, but might not be ready to try things seriously, while you are?


    Jessica1995
    Participant
    March 24, 2016 at 9:09 pm #96462

    Your right that it seems very weird. If someone tells you that they are enjoying single life but then ask you to be in a relationship on your first date, it should raise some red flags. However if you like him and could potentially see yourself in a relationship just try to take things slowly and maybe tell him you need time to get to know him and etc. before you jump into anything.


    Emhopeless
    Participant
    March 25, 2016 at 1:54 pm #96519

    It takes awhile to get to know someone. If you feel a connection with him then you should go for it. But be clear with your boundaries and keep it at the pace that you want to move. If he doesn’t respect those boundaries than he won’t respect you. But if he does then that’s a good sign!