Writing messages that get responses


Writing messages that get responses

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    August 21, 2013 at 11:22 pm #37521
    Writing messages that get responses

    I’ve been doing online dating for more than a year. In that time I’ve had very few responses to the women I’ve written to. I’ve tried humor, being serious, light, a bit of sarcasm, you name it. I’ve always personallized every message, writing them according to what their profile may say. By now I’m sure you’re thinking that all the women that I message must be only the really attractive ones. Not so, a fair amount of them have had poor profiles,terrible photos, (Or none at all) or ones that I wouldn’t consider in real life as acceptable. I’m sorry, women that are 250 pounds plus, that wear pj bottoms and house slippers shopping I consider un-acceptable. The feedback I get from women that I’ve known for years tell me that I’m at least pleasent looking. I’m beginning to suspect that they read me as a player, but at this point I’m guessing. Is online dating that hard? Or, is it that most women don’t really want to trust anyone they meet online?

    August 24, 2013 at 10:27 am #37703

    It’s just the sheer weight of competition. Any reasonably attractive woman gets so many expressions of interest, she can always afford to wait for someone ‘better’ to come along tomorrow. Being pleasant looking might help a bit: being rather unattractive, as i am ,means its basically a waste of time.

    August 29, 2013 at 5:26 am #37984

    That is more than likely the case. It’s frustrating, and I totally agree with you. But it’s also a puzzle that I want to find the answer to. One part that I just flat refuse to do is to start lying about myself on my profiles.That would only create more problems than it’s worth.
    Part of solving this issue, was the reason I started this thread. If I get one little clue to the solution, then it’s done it’s job.

    August 29, 2013 at 6:38 pm #37996

    It is frustrating and frequently disheartening- whether being ignored or a polite excuse saying no. I don’t think lying is any form of answer. it only makes rejection even more bitter and unpleasant when inevitably, the imposture(s) come to light.
    Frequently I find some people- especially if overweight- avoid using a photo and are mysteriously unable to comprehend the intricacies of webcams and skype. But what’s the point? To progress, one must eventually meet and then the game’s up.

    The problem with very big and free sites like pof is that it seems attractive ladies and way outnumbered by men. I am uncertain if the opposite applies to men. As one gets older it seems some of us age and put on weight very swiftly and others dont,so that at 50ish some are looking like elderly grandparents whilst others still look youthful. Unfortunately, we are all wired alike so that physically unattractive people are still drawn to attractive people, not people of equal pulchritude, or lack of same. Of course, this intensifies the imbalance and choice available to the attractive.

    Naturally, with such a large choice- often 10-20 contacts per day- attractive ladies are in a position to select only those who have a very good appearence and career, though they cannot judge personality as yet. But who can blame them? Wouldnt we all do the same, given the chance?

    Women are actively looking and are willing to trust, but with the choice available to an attractive lady you have little chance if your appearance is below average. As in ‘real life’, initial choice is made on the basis of appearance; only later in regards to decisions for the long term do assets, career and personality come into play.

    Unfortunately this means the odds stacked against the less attractive man are massive. It seems to me that only possible solutions are:-

    1. Try a dating agency, usually with subscription, for a minority market, if it applies to you- eg one that offers specifically religion, nationality, job or other aspects. The minority aspect and subscription cuts the number of participants somewhat and narrows the odds as choice is less.

    2. Apply to as many ladies as possible.

    September 19, 2013 at 2:44 pm #38080

    I see what you mean. With all of ‘net at our fingertips,I wish that there was a place that we could get a true idea of “looks”. I admit it, I can go by what my friends may think of mine. Really though, I’ve no idea if I’m pleasing to look at, or should I walk around with a bag over my head. But some may not want to know for certain, or would be offended if they were actually told the truth. Granted, it’s no gauge of actual success with dating, just because of so many other factors that play into it.
    Oh yes, I do message many women. My particular area isn’t large enough to support a dating agency. An old friend tried that several years ago, and it flopped miserably. One issue she had was that women were really inconsistant. Many wouldn’t show up for planned meetings. Not much could be helped with that one.
    About the only other option is “by chance” meetings. I don’t excell at that. That may just be the only way. I’d better get good at it, or plan on living alone.