How Long to Wait to Have Sex as a Gay Man

Gay Dating

How Long to Wait to Have Sex as a Gay Man

Sam Stieler Sam Stieler • 9/25/14

Figuring out how long to wait before you have sex with someone is a deeply personal question that is highly dependent on a wide variety of factors and conditions.

For example, if you’re looking for a man to enter into a serious, long-term relationship with, or if you’re even looking for a man you may one day marry, then you might prolong the waiting period before you slip between the sheets.

Sex is extremely important to a healthy relationship, but sometimes it’s wise to make sure it isn’t the only aspect of your relationship when you’re looking to build something with a little longevity.

However, if you’re just looking to go out and have fun and hook up with new guys, then waiting a long time to have sex probably doesn’t make a lot of sense.

You can’t be (safely, responsibly) slutty if you’re making every attractive guy you meet wait six months before the two of you get down to business. If you’re in the middle of an uncommitted stage of your dating life, then you really shouldn’t wait very long to hook up with the men you meet.

In other words, the only way to know how long you should wait before having sex with a man is to be pretty clear about what sort of relationships you’re looking for.

It sounds mechanical but until you set some firm goals about what you’re looking for from the men you meet, you can’t ascribe to any universal rule about how long you should or shouldn’t wait before having sex.

Should I have sex with someone I just met?

Define “just met.”

Should you have sex with a man you’ve been on one date with or whom you just met at a bar or a party and spent some time getting to know? Sure, why not. If you find him attractive, and if you’re at a point in your dating life where you just want to mess around, then you should absolutely go for it.

Should you have sex with a man you’ve exchanged three messages with on Grindr? Even if you’re in an exploratory stage of your life, this sort of automatic hookup falls in a grey zone.

There’s nothing wrong with finding yourself instantly attracted to a man and acting on that attraction. It’s just difficult to do so in a safe, responsible manner.

If you take all the right precautions, then go for it, but if you aren’t taking those precautions, then maybe you should look for your hookups within social environments with more safeguards attached to them.

Of course, I am a straight man, and honestly, if there was an application like Grindr for straight folks that hooked them up with the same ease and convenience as Grindr does for the gay folks, I’m sure I’d be one of the first to sign up for it (in a safe, responsible manner), so take this hand-wringing with the appropriate dose of salt.

Exceptions to the rule.

Dating and sex are always unpredictable. It’s entirely possible to find yourself a one-night stand that you’re still shacking up with decades down the line, just as it’s entirely possible to invest a lot of time and energy into someone before sleeping with them only to break things off a week later.

You can’t predict exactly what’s going to happen in your romantic life, but you can stack the odds in your favor by being intentional about what you want at any given point in your life and using that clear goal to guide your decisions about when to give up the goods.