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|Sam Stieler • 9/21/12|
If you’re a senior man with kids, then you’ve inevitably wondered when, and how, you should introduce those kids to the women you date. This is a tricky question with a couple important points to keep in mind, so let’s get right into it.
There is absolutely no reason to introduce a woman you just met to your kids. It sends the wrong message to your kids, it sends the wrong message to the woman in question, and it sends the wrong message to your own self.
No matter how much you may like a woman you just met, you do NOT know whether you will continue to like her enough to introduce her to your family when she’s still a “new” presence in your life.
Rushing a relationship is one of the surest ways to kill it, and introducing a continuous stream of new women to your kids isn’t going to do anyone any favors.
“If you want everyone to get along,
then make sure your relationship is real.”
If you are a young single parent, then you might want to introduce your kids to the women you meet relatively early in your relationship. I say this with all of the previously mentioned caveats attached.
The only reason why you might want to introduce your dates and your children to each other when you’re younger is because your kids are likely living with you (at least part of the time) and they represent an actively engaged part of your life.
If you’re a young single parent and raising your growing, dependent children is your top priority, then it’s important your dates meet them and learn whether your kids are a part of your total package they’re interested in accepting.
As a senior, your children are still an important part of your life but you aren’t changing their diapers, making them dinner or picking them up from soccer practice on a daily basis anymore.
There is distance to develop a relationship with a woman independent of your children. And now that’s exactly what you should do before you start making your introductions.
As you get to know this woman, you should tell her about your children. As you get to know this woman, you should tell your children about her.
While the two parties don’t need to meet early on in your relationship, you do need to discuss one side with the other and vice versa.
You don’t want to build up unfair expectations or share too much information too soon, but you do want to start making each a real person in the minds of the others.
Basically, you don’t want to date a woman for a year, give no indication to your kids you’ve been building a relationship with someone and then spring this woman on them unexpectedly.
Likewise, you don’t want to fail to mention, or halfheartedly mention, that you have kids to your woman and then drop the subject until you bring her around to spend a weekend with the whole family.
Just as you should ease gradually into your relationship with this woman, you should ease her, and your children, gradually into each other’s lives.
If you want everyone to get along great, then you need to first make sure your relationship is something real. Then you need to give everyone time to adapt before tossing them at each other.