How to Introduce Kids to a New Date

September 21, 2012
How to Introduce Kids to a New Date

If you’re a senior man with kids, then you’ve inevitably wondered when, and how, you should introduce those kids to the women you date. This is a tricky question with a couple important points to keep in mind, so let’s get right into it.

Don’t introduce a “new” date to your kids.

There is absolutely no reason to introduce a woman you just met to your kids. It sends the wrong message to your kids, it sends the wrong message to the woman in question, and it sends the wrong message to your own self.

No matter how much you may like a woman you just met, you do NOT know whether you will continue to like her enough to introduce her to your family when she’s still a “new” presence in your life.

Rushing a relationship is one of the surest ways to kill it, and introducing a continuous stream of new women to your kids isn’t going to do anyone any favors.

 

“If you want everyone to get along,

then make sure your relationship is real.”

It’s different than when you were younger.

If you are a young single parent, then you might want to introduce your kids to the women you meet relatively early in your relationship. I say this with all of the previously mentioned caveats attached.

The only reason why you might want to introduce your dates and your children to each other when you’re younger is because your kids are likely living with you (at least part of the time) and they represent an actively engaged part of your life.

If you’re a young single parent and raising your growing, dependent children is your top priority, then it’s important your dates meet them and learn whether your kids are a part of your total package they’re interested in accepting.

As a senior, your children are still an important part of your life but you aren’t changing their diapers, making them dinner or picking them up from soccer practice on a daily basis anymore.

There is distance to develop a relationship with a woman independent of your children. And now that’s exactly what you should do before you start making your introductions.

Don’t introduce everyone out of the blue.

As you get to know this woman, you should tell her about your children. As you get to know this woman, you should tell your children about her.

While the two parties don’t need to meet early on in your relationship, you do need to discuss one side with the other and vice versa.

You don’t want to build up unfair expectations or share too much information too soon, but you do want to start making each a real person in the minds of the others.

Basically, you don’t want to date a woman for a year, give no indication to your kids you’ve been building a relationship with someone and then spring this woman on them unexpectedly.

Likewise, you don’t want to fail to mention, or halfheartedly mention, that you have kids to your woman and then drop the subject until you bring her around to spend a weekend with the whole family.

Just as you should ease gradually into your relationship with this woman, you should ease her, and your children, gradually into each other’s lives.

If you want everyone to get along great, then you need to first make sure your relationship is something real. Then you need to give everyone time to adapt before tossing them at each other.

Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes. Connect with him on Google+.

Related Topics:
Dating With Kids Seniors

4 Responses

    Bribing them worked very well for me. I promised my son a day a Chuck E Cheeses and 300 tokens if he would meet my new beau and behave during dinner. Worked like a charm, and they get along great now! (we are also still working through all the tootsie-rolls he won :) )

    Good parenting skills Gaggles – NOT! That’s all parents do these days is bribe their kids with candy and junk food.

    As the grown child of two older, single parents in relationships, I’d say the best way to do it is first talk to your kids about your partner, then introduce them as a given fact. But you’re absolutely right, you don’t want to introduce them too early. I’d say probably don’t even introduce your kids to your partner until you’re sure you’ll be with them for awhile. Then introduce them as a fact, not a condition.

      When my mom dated around after separating from my dad she definitely didn’t know when to bring it up to me and my siblings. Sometimes she sprang it up on us, I agree with you, I would’ve rather had her tell us beforehand.

Add a Comment

We're glad you have chosen to leave a comment. Please keep in mind that all comments are moderated according to our comment policy, and all links are nofollow. Do NOT use keywords in the name field. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation.