How to Know Your Boyfriend is Cheating for Gay Men

October 3, 2012
How to Know Your Boyfriend is Cheating for Gay Men

Cheating often means the end of a relationship. Even if a couple decides to stay together after one cheats on the other, there’s a good chance your relationship won’t be the same as it was beforehand.

If you and your partner communicate exceptionally well, then cheating might ultimately strengthen your relationship, reaffirming your commitment to each other and causing a re-evaluation of both of your needs.

But, most of the time, the revelation of cheating doesn’t proceed quite so amicably, and it devastates trust levels and contributes to the dissolution of the relationship down the line.

Cheating, stepping outside the mutually and explicitly agreed upon boundaries of your relationship, is always a big deal.

If you suspect your boyfriend might be cheating, then you need to confirm or banish those suspicions immediately.

Is it really cheating?

Note the definition of cheating I put forth above — “stepping outside the mutually and explicitly agreed upon boundaries of your relationship.”

In order to even worry about whether your boyfriend is cheating on you or not, the two of you need to share “mutually and explicitly agreed upon boundaries” within the context of your relationship.

You need to understand this definition before you can talk about cheating because some things that are cheating in the context of one relationship do NOT represent cheating in the context of another relationship.

If you and your boyfriend are allowed to have the random hookup here and there without informing each other, then the fact that your boyfriend might have gone home with someone else at the bar last weekend doesn’t count as cheating.

Likewise, if this guy you’re seeing isn’t actually your boyfriend, if the two of you haven’t actually agreed that you’re in some sort of monogamous, committed relationship yet, then he can do absolutely anything he wants without having to own up to your scrutiny.

But provided you actually are in a clearly defined relationship with your boyfriend, there are a few steps you can take to tell if he’s cheating on you or not:


“When the time is right, get to the bottom

of the matter quickly and decisively.”

1. Look for physical clues.

  • Are you finding strange hairs in his bed?
  • Is he running through condoms faster?
  • Is he covered with bite marks you didn’t leave on him?

All of these are good indications that you aren’t the only person your boyfriend is having sex with.

2. Snoop.

I don’t really advocate snooping on your boyfriend, not least of which because you might find things you really don’t want to know about.

Just know that looking through his phone, his email account and his Facebook messages is an option for figuring out if he’s cheating or not.

It’s sort of up to your own sense of morality whether you do this or not, and I’ll leave that decision up to you.

3. Trust your gut.

More often than not, if you feel like your boyfriend has been cheating on you, then he probably is. This is especially true if you and your boyfriend have been together for a long time, you know how to read him and you know when something’s up.

Your gut isn’t always right, but it’s right often enough to be worth taking seriously.

4. Confront him.

There’s no saying whether your boyfriend will tell you the truth or not, but if you feel he is cheating on you and you have some evidence of this fact, confront him with it.

If you suspect he’s cheating with someone very specific, then confront that person. The worst part of all relationship pain lies in uncertainty. When the time is right, take the Band-Aid approach and get to the bottom of the matter quickly and decisively.

Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes. Connect with him on Google+.

Related Topics:
Cheating Gay

3 Responses

    I always say if you have reason to snoop then you’ve already lost trust in him.

    If your significant other is going to the clubs and bars alone, that usually is the first sign that cheating may be occurring. I have been cheated on twice, in both instances it happened in the club. Alcohol was involved in both instances. Every friend of mine that was cheated on has exactly the same story.
    your partner may claim that he goes to the club to socialize, and its the only place he can meet friends. The music is too loud to socialize at clubs, and most bars. It is more likely that your partner is not going to have much of a conversation. Most likely your partner is looking for attention, or grinding on the dance floor, and just maybe typing his/her phone number into another phone after meeting a gorgeous/beautiful stranger.
    Common signs I had: He expresses an interest in an open relationship.
    He begins to worry about his appearance.
    He expects you to be the responsible one while he is careless.
    He hides his social media groups from you.
    He goes to bars and clubs without you.
    He starts spending less time with you.
    He calls you much less or only when it’s necessary.
    He takes on several new meet-up groups and new activities.
    He has condoms that won’t fit you ( if you have been together a while).
    He has a few condoms missing, or he has a new box of condoms which are open
    and are shy of a full count, given you haven’t used any as a couple.
    He has bunches of single condoms of different brands.
    He is too connected to a friend. He vacations with friends but not you. ***
    *** keep an eye on this there is cheating.
    He does not return home after the club and stays at a friend’s house.
    He tells you that his friends are equally important or more important, and
    He will dump you if you get in the way of his friends ( happened
    after he cheated and he wanted to see his same friends because it was a one time thing)
    Refusing sex especially if he has a collection of naughty films.
    Gives you conflicting information about he doing or cannot account for his time.
    He hides his cellphone and it’s contents from you.
    If he is reliant on GPS and you see weird entries,
    or a decrease of entries because he is deleting them.
    You notice an increase of spending, and weird transactions

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