How to Read Body Language

November 23, 2012
How to Read Body Language

Body language is a completely different language we can all read without taking an intensive course. We all speak it in everyday life, from a simple transaction at the restaurant to get the bill to saying goodbye with a simple wave of your hand. It’s something we learn from the environment around us, parents, teachers, peers and our upbringing.

Reading body language in the dating world is very useful. There are reams of books, studies and essays about the subject, but rather than dedicating months or years of your life studying it, here are a few simple body language tips.

1. If your date looks you in the eyes, then your mouth and back to your eyes, he’s interested in you.

This is called the flirting triangle.

2. If he adopts a cowboy stance with his thumbs in his belt, thrusting his groin forward, he likes you — not in a porno style though.

Sounds daft, I know. You may have no ambition to date a Clint Eastwood cowboy, but the next time you go into a gay bar or club, look around the bar and see how the guys are interacting.

A moderate pose that has the same effect is breathing in with your chest raised and shoulders back.


“Be aware of the eye ‘tells.’”

3. Open body language includes uncrossed arms and legs and looking at you when you speak, not looking over your shoulder or avoiding eye contact.

4. To show a guy you like him when you talk to him, start to mirror his posture and stance.

After a short while, slowly adapt your body language. If he starts to mirror yours, this indicates you are connecting with him.

People can lie with their words, but they can’t with their body. When talking to someone, look at their eyes.

These are the “tells” to know someone is lying:

Ask a question like, “Are you single?” If his eyes look to the left, he is probably lying. If he looks to the right, he is probably telling the truth. Ask a number of simple questions to assess his eye movements before going for an important question.

There was a detailed study done about this with a number of case studies by the founder of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and this is used in many interrogation situations by governments and people in authority.

I am not suggesting you get your potential date into a sealed room with a table, two chairs and a lamp shining in his face. However, be aware of the eye “tells.” Try it out on your buddies, which can be a fun party trick.

Jonathan Welford is a dating and relationship coach, author of three relationship coaching books and regular columnist. He heads up a coaching and therapy practice specializing in dating and relationships. He lives in the UK with his husband and their English bulldog named Lola. Connect on Google+.

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5 Responses

    I’m gonna keep that first tip in mind the next time I talk to someone! So sexxyyy

    I met this guy online, we have been talking & texting for a month now, we finally met in person omce and he says he wants to meet again however, when we make plans I do not hear from him in days to conform the plans. He ignores my calls & texts on the weekends and come Monday he will start texting & calling when i ignore him he calls me up all upset wanting to know what is wrong with me. He questions me about being with him, and wants to know how I feel about him. I tell him Iike him & yes I can see myself with him. I do not know if its because he is black & I am white? Or is he afraid of committment? We use to talk everyday now its like every other day or sometimes 3 days go by without hearing from him. I do not know how to read him! I am wondering if I am waisting my time & he really is not into me. Can you please give me some advice? Thank You

      C. Price
      Cynthia Price (

      Hey Dana, thanks for opening up to us! Seems like he may be busy on the weekends and can’t get around to reaching you until the week begins.

      Our site is full of experts who can give you the most valuable advice. Try submitting your question to our dating expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh here:

      Good Luck!

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