Become the CSI of Online Dating

Online Dating

Become the CSI of Online Dating

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

So we’re finally here. You’ve chosen the site and you’re ready to find someone fantastico.

There is a terror that comes over every one of us once we’ve decided to online date. It happens as soon as we have to sit and write about ourselves.

Suddenly we have more questions than ideas. Where do I start? What should I say? What should I not say? What does everyone else say?

The first thing you should always remember is everything you do when online dating is rooted in a singular purpose: getting dates.

Let your actions be tailored to meet this goal.

I love watching this show called “Forensic Files.” They take these old murder cases and use science and detective work to piece together what happened, who did it, how it was done and solve the crime.

It’s usually an interesting process involving scientific discoveries with experts interpreting information, and it starts with the murder scene/body.

What do cold cases have to do with online dating, Gina, you weirdo? Well, the parallel is when you start with “the end result,” you can trace certain elements back that tell you how you got there.

How does that reflect in your written dating profile? Let’s pretend we’re part of DSI (Dating Scene Investigation) and start with the end: the date.

Let’s reconstruct how you got there.

Dater: “I have a lunch/dinner/coffee/drink/walk/ice cream sundae date! Yay!”

Dater’s friend: “Oh? How did you get that date?”

Dater: “I got asked out from someone online!”

Dater’s friend: “Online? How did that happen?”

Dater: “Well, we’ve been emailing.”

Friend: “What did you talk about in your emails”

Dater: “I got asked questions, so I answered them. And then I asked questions back.”

Friend: “What kind of questions?”

Dater: “It started because they said the most interesting thing in their profile…”

“Use clues to know

where you went wrong.”

Ding, ding, ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Every date began with a conversation, and conversations have to have their own genesis.

One of the trickiest parts of online dating is  “conversationability.” Conversationability is a word I made up with real-life utility. It means the art of evoking a conversation.

Why is conversationability so stinking important? It’s important because the hardest part about online dating is getting a person you’re interested in to engage with you.

Stop writing your profiles with the idea that you need to tell your life story! You don’t!

You need to tell interesting things about yourself to make someone want to know more. You want someone to be able to easily start a conversation with you.

Ultimately, for you to get a date, someone is going to have to ask someone a question. You have to have emails, you have to make further conversation by asking questions and somebody’s gotta ask somebody out. Then voila: You have a date!

But your starting point is by planting things in your profile that are:

  • Interesting
  • Conversational
  • Asking questions
  • Posing riddles
  • Telling stories
  • Controversial in a fun way

Use clues to know where you went wrong and where you’re going right.

Is your online dating engineered to get you dates? Have you found the people who email you are asking you interesting questions?

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