How to Stop Obsessing About Your Online Date
|Julie Spira • 8/18/13|
I’m working with a woman who’s so anxious about her online dating experience that she logs on to dating sites three times a day, not to look for someone new or to answer an email, but to check the status of someone she used to date.
She constantly wonders and worries if he’s replaced her and counts the amount of times she sees his profile with the banner of “Online Now.”
She’s so obsessed about him and the ease of checking up on him that she cries when he hasn’t logged on for a day or two, thinking he’s fallen in love with someone else.
This is very unhealthy behavior. The Internet makes it too easy to check on your dates.
If you see he’s logged on within an hour of the ending of your date, does that mean he’s not into you? Not really.
Men often receive emails and out of curiosity log on to read them. This doesn’t mean your date was a dud or that he has a harem of women that he’s sleeping with.
Until you’ve had the talk about being exclusive and have both removed your profiles, you’re dating.
That often means you’re dating more than one person and you don’t have any “ownership” of the other person.
If you find you can’t control taking a digital peek at his online dating profile, try my steps that helped her detox from her digital snooping.
1. Block his profile.
If your relationship didn’t move forward, you’re not alone. The majority of singles looking for love online never get past the first date.
Online dating is a numbers game. There are plenty of other compatible people who would want to meet you.
Block his profile immediately so it doesn’t show up in a search or so the dating site doesn’t send you an email with his smiling face as a possible match.
2. Find a compatibility partner.
When you think you’re about to do a search for his screen name, call your BFF instead.
Let her give you some tough love and compassion. Have her remind you why the relationship didn’t work out. Dial the phone before logging on.
3. Spend time looking for other men to write to.
Log on and be proactive about your future and don’t dwell in the past.
Think about all of the exciting and interesting people you can be with and remember why the two of you weren’t compatible.
Was he still in love with his ex? Were his friends more important than you?
“It takes time to detox from your
regular regime of checking up on him.”
4. Don’t stare at his photo.
Many sites do indicate who’s viewed your profile.
If he sees you’re checking him out daily, it will send a message that you’re obsessed. Chances are he’ll block you instead.
No one wants to be considered a crazy woman or cyber stalker.
5. Unfriend him on Facebook.
Seeing the guy who jilted you in the arms of another woman can be demoralizing. Unfriending him is the first step, but often you can still see his status updates as a non-friend.
Avoid the urge to sneak a peek at all. You can block his profile from appearing anywhere on your computer screen.
6. Take a walk.
Studies show fresh air can add happiness to your life. Take a nice walk and the time to smell the roses instead of searching for his status updates.
7. Deactivate your profile.
There are thousands of online dating sites to pick from.
If you and the guy you’re obsessing about met on OkCupid, take your profile down and hang your digital hat on another site, such as Plenty of Fish, eHarmony or Match.
You don’t have to date in the same playground.
Practice these tips and understand that it takes time to detox from your regular regime of checking up on his profile status every day.
If you wean it down to once or twice a week at first, eventually you’ll get tired of this game. If you need to stay on your mobile phone, play a game of Solitaire instead.
Eventually you’ll get tired of living in the past and will be more excited about having a future with someone who really wants to be with you!
Let’s be honest: Have you ever obsessed over an online date? How did you obsess over him or her? How did you finally break that bad habit?
Photo source: facebookjustice.com.