I Ended Things. Was I Correct in Doing So?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I met a great guy online about a month ago, and after talking on the phone for a month, we met in person.

Something is not feeling right. I asked him if he would ever invite me to his house, and he said he wouldn’t want me to drive that far. He’s in Illinois. I’m in Indiana.

Then he tells me I couldn’t make plans on the weekends because of his job and being on call. I would have to work with his schedule.

Needless to say, I cut it off this weekend. Was I correct in doing so?

-Tawana (Indiana)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

When it comes to dating, I like to play a little game called “Is it reasonable?” to determine whether or not you should put effort into someone and if they are putting adequate effort toward you and growing the relationship.

Let’s ask ourselves a question for your scenario:

Is it reasonable for him to deny you to EVER drive to him if you’re willing to do so?

It’s one thing to be chivalrous in the beginning, but if you’re ever going to be serious, you need to spend time in each other’s lives and worlds, as well as make accommodations for one another.

In this case, his response is unreasonable that you should never drive to him, especially in light of his other issues of availability, which we will discuss below.

Having a demanding job is one thing that makes dating difficult. Having a demanding job that requires you to be on call is even more difficult. Having a demanding job that requires you to be on call and in another state from the person you are trying to date is crazy difficult.

That in and of itself makes it unreasonable for you to be able to date.

But more to the point, having this guy demand from you that you can’t make plans on weekends because of this also seems unreasonable and unrealistic. It made a hard situation nearly impossible.

I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to cut it off based on all of those things. He didn’t leave you with many options on how to make it work.

From what I can tell, your feeling about it not seeming right seems validated.


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