I’ve Been Online for Three Months with No Response. What’s the Matter?

April Braswell April Braswell • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve been divorced since 1988 and haven’t really dated. I’m a very pretty woman. I have a master’s, three grown married, professional children and seven grandchildren.

My profile reads well. I speak three languages and I am really interested in everything. I have been on eHarmony for months but have had almost no response.

What is the matter?

-Rita (New York)

April Braswell’s Answer:

I love eHarmony and have mature midlife coaching clients who courted and married through their using eHarmony.

One of their greatest attributes is their personality profiles, which means the matches they offer you are already fairly likely to be well-balanced to your temperament.

However, their profile boxes also invite singles who have not yet met each other to share way too much information with complete strangers.

Also, breaking it up into so many different topic boxes can make a unique human being come across as disjointed rather than the amazing woman of beauty, culture and depth you clearly are.

Experiment with not filling in every single profile box. Instead, aim to write about 300 to 500 words total.

Emphasize what is positive and the kind of lifestyle you seek to share with a mature man. Write about some of the activities you already enjoy pursuing and perhaps one or two new ones you want to check out this year.

Communicate what an engaging and alluring life companion you are to capture some of his attention.

Lastly, one of the common complaints now is the Internet matchmaking industry is in its maturity and mainstream online dating is passive.

Singles are posting profiles and not paying the site’s membership fee until someone approaches them first.

What that means is some of your eHarmony matches might be men with profiles out like a baited fishing line but they are not yet paying members.

So, as a modern woman knowing this, you will want to be proactive and contact men first.

Always use a very soft, feminine phraseology when you send the opening message to him: “eHarmony thinks we’d get along great, and who am I to tempt fate? I see you’re a fan of country Western dancing. How did you get started?”

Lastly, perhaps consider expanding your regional reach just a few extra miles.

I see you’re in New York. I can’t tell if that’s Manhattan or elsewhere in the state. Consider reaching out to New Jersey and Connecticut as well and see what different sort of results you enjoy.

I hope that helps. If you have additional questions on this, please let me know!

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